So that I a lot happened during my time at Bates and very little I care to bring up just for the hell of it. Narrating tales from yesteryear only provides ample opportunity for revisionist histories and misrememberances for which I have neither time nor place for on this fine pinch of "internet." But as it goes sometimes with youtube, the related videos take you to places you just don’t see coming; places you’ve been and can’t help forget. This particular event occurred on a Saturday as my junior year came to a close following a track meet where we were far away from home and we performed well as a team (at least I assume we performed well because we usually performed well and I was particularly fired up upon our return to campus that evening). The New York-based rapper Immortal Technique was performing on campus, and I found this laughable considering he is known as a rather tough gentleman, and is considered “real” for his continued refusal to sign a major deal. NY rapper + “The Bates Bubble” can only equal a good time, right? I put on my Saturday best (G’N’R t-shirt, cutoff jean shorts and my old work boots with crew length socks. It was May, so it was nice out and a perfect evening for this attire. And the shorts weren’t my dukes, they were knee-ish length. Still faded denim, but much classier) and headed out for the evening. The show was nearly over when I left my room so I didn’t bother. I soon ran into a friend of mine, who we will call Joel, and he knew where the “after party” was supposed to be. So we had (more than) a few beers quickly and then carried some road sodas as we began to head to the aforementioned “after party.”
However as we walked the street from campus we ran into five 20something, dreadlocked, African Americans who we kindly offered beers and struck up a conversation with. They were looking for this alleged “after party,” too. So Joel and I, the social butterflies we are, invite them to follow us as we are headed there, too (As I pause so you can remember my attire, Joel, in a clever twist of fate, is also wearing a cutoff t-shirt of a random 80’s band [I want to say REO Speedwagon but I’m not 100% sure…see, this is how incorrect documentation can result I apologize for this] and very similar jean shorts. Needless to say we were quite a pair and these gentlemen were happy to tag along with such fine, upstanding folks as Joel and I).
So we lead them down a couple of streets and in the door and there’s actually a lot of booze present and a good smattering of people were also arriving, which was a pleasant surprise. We continued conversation when one of the dreadlocked gentlemen makes a quick phone call and within 3 minutes Joel and I are standing with the 5 dreadlocked gentlemen and three new dreadlocked gentlemen, the last to arrive being Immortal Technique. In my inebriated state I tell him I enjoyed the show and I appreciate his work as an artist (The latter is very true; I consider him probably the most politically-conscious rapper out there today on many levels, internationally and also concerning the social issues prevalent in the U.S. This isn’t to say I’m a rap aficionado, just of what I’ve heard from him he certainly gets his point across) and we continue to talk for a few minutes as the house we’re in fills wall to wall with people.
This place is packed so as my conversation ends with Mr. Technique I start working the door and being a general jerk to the amusement of many people who are clustered around me. Big Dave (Editor’s note: I’m adding this on 3/6…Big Dave is not like Big Steve, Big Dave could pop my head like a zit…) and I are just shitting on people left and right and really amusing ourselves. It's a good time. And I'm pretty sure this place had Bud on tap. This was before I went pretty much exclusively Bud for my beer of choice (Editor's note: also a 3/6 add...except when I'm home and there's something magically delicious like Export on tap. No big deal I know you're all jealous) but at the time I'm 99% sure this made me very happy. So happy I had more than one of them over the course of my time there.
Another friend who we’ll call Keith (because that's his name) and I decide later in the evening to call and order a pizza and it arrives within a half hour of said call. The Papa is good like that. We’re both pretty sauced but we realize one of Immortal’s crew members decided to grab one of the two pizzas we got, taking it from Keith. Keith is 5’5”, flamboyantly gay and far too nice a guy to say anything about this act of thievery. I, however, decide this aggression will not stand. This aggression will not stand, man. As it turns out Immortal and his circle of friends had decided to order pizza as well and it arrived soon after ours, so obviously fair is fair and I snatch a box back for myself, Keith, Joel and Big Dave. Immortal’s crew is less than impressed and standoffish arguing ensues. Obviously I am not helping my case by looking like the whitest honky on the planet. This prompts Mr. Technique to stand from the couch he was sitting on and pass the bowl he has been smoking on and ask what the problem seemed to be. I tell him he (Immortal, because I saw him with a slice when I first came back upstairs) actually ate some of my pizza, not his pizza, before his pies arrived. And get this…Immortal apologies. To me.
I don’t hug him. I don’t give him a fist pound. I shake his hand, because gentlemen shake hands. We smile and acknowledge one another and we continue with our evening. And that’s a true story. Verification can be provided by many folks who were present, including a young lady who lived on the third floor of the “after party” house and is still a close friend, though I wish I had taken her to dinner (she knows this). This, however, is a story for another day (another day which will probably never appear in this medium, for obvious reasons), but she brings up the preceding story every now and again and I laugh. Wow. I’m glad I’ve gotten these days out of my system…
Josh has an older brother, who's a little bit of a creeper. He's quite a social networker and we'll call him Richard just to keep things straight. So apparently through some messed up (yes, even more messed up than this story already is...) Josh's brother and Andrea were friends on one of these sites, but had never met before and knew nothing about one another. And somehow Andrea knew Josh was Richard's brother and entered this into their conversation in passing... Let me repeat...Andrea knew Josh was Richard's brother but she had never met either of these people before, they look nothing alike, and neither had been in town for more than a couple of days together for the past 5 years? And just throws this out there like it's not a big deal at all, like facebook friends of friends is a good icebreaker (As an aside and you should have expected this to happen but Jimmy and Josh scoped out facebook at Big Steve's once Andrea passed out again to see who this freakshow was...and it turned out her and Riachard WERE'NT ACTUALLY FACEBOOK FRIENDS. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, RIGHT?! Sunday morning they found out Andrea and Richard were actually myspace friends...for what it's worth...though this has not been verified. If this is not true Jimmy and Josh need to watch their backs...)Stalker, much? To sum: This Andrea character was, and presumably still is, crazier than a shithouse rat. Batshit Crazy. This was like a perfect storm of craziness,
Two associates, we'll call them Jimmy and Josh, decided to go out and have a few beers on Saturday night. Jimmy had to work during the day, Josh was home visiting his parents for the weekend. The two meet up for a couple of beers around 9 at Jimmy's house and then headed to Gipper's where they met a third gentlemen, we'll call him Big Steve. Neither Jimmy nor Josh had seen Big Steve in quite some time, so a good time was had by all. Per usual around 11:30 Jimmy, Josh, and Big Steve headed over to the Goose, because the Goose is a great place. There was a fun crowd out and a few old faces who are still in the area, so it seemed as though things were shaping up for a fun evening.Lemony Snickets? Methinks so... I wish I had been out on Saturday to witness all this...Cheers.
Then things got interesting. A young co-ed who works with Jimmy, let's call her Andrea, said hello and they strike up a conversation. Jimmy was interested but he soon came to find out Andrea was really just interested in meeting Josh. Typical. So Josh and Andrea hit it off while Jimmy and Big Steve continued reminiscing about the good old days. Last call came around and Andrea invites Jimmy, Josh, and Big Steve over to her place for some more beverage. Jimmy and Josh agreed this would be a grand old time...she came in with a few friends so they assume it will be a little after-shindig; Big Steve thought better of things and headed home because he needed to work on Sunday. Anyways, the group then exited the bar.
Now business picked up. Andrea was in no shape to drive so Jimmy offered to drive her home; and she accepts this kind gesture. But while this was happening her friends suddenly were nowhere to be found - they all left (Allegedly heard saying, "Enough of her shit...let's go")... No matter, Jimmy Josh and Andrea headed over to where Andrea said she lived and Jimmy proceeded to drop Josh and Andrea off there on the condition that Jimmy picks up Josh in the early AM. Also typical, but for whatever reason Jimmy is a nice guy and agreed.
And here's the punchline. Notice the way I phrased where they headed in the previous paragraph. Not 5 minutes later Josh called Jimmy back...Andrea doesn't live where she said she lived. The people inside had no idea who this young lady is, and are clearly unimpressed a random, drunk person is attempting to gain entrance into their abode at 1:30am...Classic, right? Well, it gets better. In the time it takes for Jimmy to drive back across town young Andrea found the time to pass out on the ground in the 5 degree weather and (may or may not have) peed her pants. When Jimmy returns he and Josh had no idea what to do. Neither one was comfortable bringing this drunkard home, for obvious reasons, and they couldn't just leave her passed out outside due to the cold temperatures. When they searched her purse for identification they couldn't even find that, so they have no idea where the hell she lives, her friends are gone...wtf?!
So that's when Big Steve reentered the picture. Josh called Big Steve (who for whatever reason was still awake) saying they're looking to have a nightcap and Big Steve is a nice guy so he invited Jimmy and Josh over (information regarding Andrea was cleverly not mentioned, but there's no way Big Steve didn't know something was rotten in Denmark). Jimmy and Josh the carried Andrea to their vehicle and headed back across town to Big Steve's place.
In the meantime young Andrea came back to and needed to pee, so a pit stop on a dead end road was made. Andrea needed help staying up while doing her business so Josh obliged and ended up (allegedly) having his shoes get ruined in the process. The whole time this ride was going on Josh and Jimmy were attempting to find out where this Andrea character actually lives. And her response to each query was, "(...silence...)." But eventually the group made it to Big Steve's because they really had no place else to go. Big Steve didn't mind and everyone eventually made it in, Andrea immediately passed out (obviously), a little Guitar Hero was played and then bedtime called.
The group awakened around 8am and this little Andrea was clearly shaken by where the hell she was right then and how the hell she got there. Jimmy, Josh, and Big Steve used this opportunity (and the next 30 minutes) to mock her endlessly because she deserved it and she ruined their collective night. Come to find out this character had not closed her tab at another bar prior to going to the Goose and thus had no ID on her persons for Jimmy and Josh to find. Jimmy and Josh still have no idea where this idiot actually lives. And Andrea was practically in tears (embarrassed as she damn well should have been...that and Jimmy was a bit irritated by all of the aforementioned shenanigans and turned cold-blooded...) as they pulled back into the Goose. The end.But seriously, who the hell does that? It was clearly amateur hour Saturday night.
