Friday, July 31, 2009

Another well placed but misguided attempt by Under Armour...

I'm an Under Armour guy. I've told you all this (I know I should link you back to my original UA blog here but I'm just too damn lazy. I don't use tags and my memory is atrocious. I'm sorry. If you read it already then you know my feelings. If you didn't then just take my word for it.) before but I'm using to set the stage. Because I'm an old school Under Armour guy. A functional Under Armour guy. I liked Under Armour because it felt good and kept me from chaffing under my sweet (read: shitty) fooseball pads before I retired. I a not a guy who wears tight fitting UA down the street. That being said, I liked the idea of the newly released reversible Under Armour long sleeve top that has one side acting more like heat gear wicking sweat from your skin to keep you cool and the other side acting more All-Season and insulating with a little more texture and substance to that particular side. Seems like a fine idea in theory. They even look nice:

Until I read the fine print (Not the $50 price tag. That's ashtray money, bro.):

  • Light, smooth side of UA AllSeasonGear®, stays flat against skin to enhance cooling and accelerate dry time.
  • Dark, textured side of UA AllSeasonGear® fabric is to be worn on body to keep you warm and dry through superior moisture transport and evaporative cooling.
  • What's wrong with this picture, I asked myself. Wait a minute! No...Wait a minute! No, that's not it either...Wait a minute! Yes! If the smooth side is the heat gear side wicking moisturethen why the F isn't that the dark fabric? From what I've heard in "science" class heat (generally) = sun, and darker colors absorb the sun's rays (read: heat) more than light colors do.

    Why would you not put the dark colored fabric as heat gear so when it's...wait for it...HOT, the darker fabric is not as exposed because it's...underneath the light colored fabric! And when you're trying to stay WARMER in cooler temps then the darker color WOULD BE EXPOSED, gaining additional heat from absorbing the sun's rays if it is sunny out. What the f is the UA R&D thinking?! Honestly. It just seems like common sense. They look like nice shirts, they really do, but on a hot summer day the last thing I want to be in is a black long sleeve shirt. Unless, of course, these shirts really don't work as advertised and are just a crock of shit designed the same as all of their others, just called something different, and are only designed to make big bucks (NO WHAMMY! NO WHAMMY! NO WHAMMY!...)..

    Maybe they know something that I don't, but I doubt it. Cheers.

    1 comment:

    1. You're hilarious. With that said, don't let it go to your head and maybe you should find something better to do with your time like ivnent your own damn spiffy under armour. In other news, not sure if Kath told you, but we are going to see Grace Potter on my birthday in Northampton. Perhaps I will invite you. Good day.