Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Closing the year on a good note...

So when I went to Boston to visit Kath and company around Thanksgiving I received a kick in the balls Monday afternoon when I made it back to where my car was parked and found a lovely orange note from the Boston Police Department thanking me for my stay and requesting $40 for parking in a residential zone...Kath lives in Alston or Balston or Brighton or Bridgeton or some other communist municipality in "Boston" where on street parking is not permitted so I had to park the Blue Angel in the middle of Godknowswhere no less than 3 miles from where my head rested every evening I was down there. So needless to say I was pissed, threw the love note in the back seat and drove off. Forty mothertrucking dollars for a parking ticket?! I wasn't in a handicapped zone, I wasn't in a fire lane, I wasn't parked in a drive thru line at Wendy's, I was on the side of a street in a quiet community.

So, per usual I made it home and forgot about it until about 2 hourse before I was headng to VA and three days before the ticket was due. And then I had an idea...why not be a subtler "spider guy..." I've made my appreciation for the spider guy apparant so I decided to write the city of Boston a kindly worded letter that conceded I was in the wrong but would like to be forgiven because I'm an out of stater and I actually hate the city of Boston and would prefer to never reside there. But I said it nicely, and the city came through by dismissing my violation. I'm not mad at that...

Also, I apologize for always seeming to write blogs very closely together and then sitting with a thumb up my ass for the next three days. Just, to be honest I don't really do much and when inspiration sparks I don't pour water, I pour gas and fan the flames. Straight brain dumps and random ass streams of conciousness is all I can really provide, like it or not. However, if you have some asinine topic you would like to hear me rant on you just let me know and I will see what I can do. I'm a giver, really. Cheers.

"Knee Jerk" Good Read

As a year closes it causes many folks to reflect on the year gone by, the good things and the bad, and their expectations for the upcoming year. I am not one of these people. But that's not really the point. What the last couple days of the year has brought is the end of one of the best written weekly pieces on the internet during the Professional fooseball season, and that my friends is the "Knee Jerk Reactions" to Patriots games by Barstool Sports contributing writer Jerry Thorton.

Two to get you smiling:
*It's purely an act of faith on my part, but I like to think someone on the Pats roster spent the day quoting "Twister" because that's what I would've done. "And Matt Cassel walks up to the wind and says 'Have a drink' and he chucks the ball into the wind and it never hits the ground, man. That's why we call him The Extreme."

*At the very least someone should've been calling Ralph Wilson Stadium "The Suck Zone."

Seriously. This guy pulls together a gem every week. I just had to touch base on my undying support of Jerry Thorton because of the numerous Twister references he made during his chronicle of the blustery Pats finale in the Greater Buffalo area. Any one can toss around three of four Twister references and work them into a story about an obsencely windy day, but when all of your references are tweaked quotes from Philip Seymour Hoffman in an incredibly underrated role from the earlier portion of his career it's truly something remarkable. Seymour Hoffman played Dustin "Dusty" Davis, who himself appeared a little bit twisted throught the movie (As I reflect right now I don't think anything could have been more appropriate than this Dusty character being the first commercial endorser of Twisted Tea...Dusty hands bottles to throngs of young adult men at an outdoor party, clouds come over and after sips everyone of them starts spinning and flies off into the sky, the camera comes back to Dusty saying like "It's the suck zone...it's the point where the twister, basically, sucks you up..." Though having to include Bill Paxton's confused and constipated face at the end with a, "That's why they call him the Extreme" reference would have doomed that campaign...but, it's still fun to dream...) and some of his lines are gems. Even playing an asshat this guy could always bring it. But I digress, back to Jerry.

Basically, I got caught up in the 'Stool a couple of years ago and it was new and fresh and catchy. A rather amusing self-centered host and his merry men (UB, Manzo, JT) to cover the bases of everything that is and is not Boston-based sports and random pop-culture. But now it's basically just Pres being a clown and JT bringing it once a week with heavy hitting Pats coverage. Good random movie references, and also an above average knowledge of the game. Not a football-Enstein-genius like myself, but still far batter than almost anyone on bigtime TV today outside of Tom Jackson and Trent Dilfer. And I'm serious about Dilfer, that guy knows the pro game.

So, Mondays are manageable...everything else is getting pretty weak. So, I just want to apologize for not bringing up my appreciation for these earlier in the year. I like the Giants, you all know that, but Marie watches the Pats every weekend so I have a frame of reference for his genius. Check the back issues and then tune in next year...but not until then. Unless you watch The Hills...


Monday, December 29, 2008

Welcome back

Hello all. I apologize for not having anything to say recently, I've been battling a pretty significant food-borne illness which swept through the Capone household in the wake of Christmas morning. Luckily, my immune system was (somehow...after Christmas Day...) strong enough to not succumb to said illness until the wee hours of of the morn on December 27th, following a joyous and gay time caroling and carousing over the river and through the woods from Portland to Auburn and in and around those two fine towns. Those of you who were there for the duration or who ran into us over the course of the evening feel free to smile now. Those of you were were not fortunate enough to cross our path, let me apologize because you will never understand. Just another example of how otherworldly the young adult folks from Auburn, Maine are. Per usual, we are playing Battleship while the other young whippersnappers today are playing Connect 4.

In other news I have no plans for New Years, 50/50 on me even making it out as of 12:30pm Monday. If you have interesting ideas please feel free to let me know. Also I'm pretty sure I'll end up in the Bean this weekend - I need to see The Wrestler ASAP - so I may be contacting some of you in the area to line up a couch to crash on. I appreciate your hospitality in advance.

As I said on Christmas Day and haven't yet reiterated like I had hoped to, in all seriousness it was great to see everyone who was/is home for the holiday. It was a special and memorable few days and I know soon enough it will be our last big one together. If it turns out to be the case that this year was it I'm glad we went out in white, 14 passenger style. I love you all. Cheers.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

So, this is Christmas...

Waxing poetic as I polish off my second Irish coffee of the morning and fiddle fart around the house until 5 when I watch the Celts at Gipper's prior to the annual Christmas party at the Goose...

...Christmas isn't Christmas without Burl Ives. If you opened presents to any other musical act this morning, you are an infidel...

...it's official. My mother has no qualms about my problem drinking and now actually condones it. We had a low-key Christmas this year. I think I had 8 presents under the trees (Yes, trees. Instead of a fine fur we've buckled the last few years and now have three tabletop fakes. Call me Grinch, I deserve it) and three of them were the following: NY Giants shot glass (best present, in my humble opinion), Celtics shot glass, fifth of Jack. Merry Christmas, indeed...

...the Capone's say f-you to typical traditions. We cooked our Christmas turkey last Sunday, whattayathinkaboutthat?!?!?! Today is straight snack food and finger sangwiches, no reason to get a food hangover on Christ's birthday...

...believe it or not, as of 10:15 Skip is the only one in the family not to have had a drink today. Sorry for the cold temps today, but he just caused Hell to freeze over...

...I apologize to my mommy for falling asleep at 7:30pm last night and not allowing us to keep with the tradition of watching a Christmas movie together Christmas eve (Like two years ago when my mom and I watched American Psycho...Ho, Ho, Ho!!)...Guess we'll have to make it up today with a True Romance screening after lunch...

...even around the holidays I still get shit on by my family. Last night I was belittled because of my fondness for silver (not plastic) ware, and today my mom threw out the "I don't care if you think it's a waste, I still warpped your presents because I (!!!!!) like to!" I say to you: It's the holiday season, excess at this time is okay (at least this is how I rationalize coordinating an H2 limo rental for a mobile holiday party tomorrow evening to my green side...). 'Tis the season!

In all seriousness, I am glad to have the opportunity to spend Christmas with those who matter most, and I wish only the best to everyone and hope you are as lucky as I am. Have a Happy Christmas and I look forward to see many smiling faces tonight and in the coming days. (Holiday) Cheers.

Monday, December 22, 2008


As those of you who have seen me at a computer know, I'm a pretty big gamer. Not World of Warcraft, not Counterstrike, but solitaire and minesweeper. And none of that spider shit flies with me, just give me good old reliable. But at any rate I starting playing minesweeper fairly regularly when I was (not) writing my thesis and it's kind of carried over into my professional life. Beginner is perfect because you can pound out a few games in a couple of minutes and take a break from whatever you're usually doing. But since I started playing on the regular three or so years ago I'd never been able to beat expert. It's a 16x30 rectangle with 99 mines, so basically you've got a 1-5 shot at clicking on a mine when you begin. But I decided now that I'm on vacation I could spend a couple days (well, late nights, because being a lazy piece of crap I try not to do anything during the day) going after a W. Last Wednesday around 3am I got to a two by two square left with two mines to go and just a guess to solve (those of you who've played know what I'm talking about...when you've got the mines at a kitty corner and it can go either way...It's a royal pain in the ass). Needless to say, I guessed wrong. So I took a break and went back to work Friday night (Saturday morning would probably be more appropriate), and sure enough around 4:15am I got the job done. I've got some visual evidence but I haven't taken any photos off my camera since the trip to the VA, so whenever I get around to doing that I'll throw up the proof. 298 seconds, not a great time but it's a starting point, I suppose. Other stats are: Beginner - 2 seconds (no big deal), and 53 ticks for Intermediate, though I think I got to 47 seconds on another computer in a lab back in my younger days. I don't know (other than the beginner time, I'm a stud in that department) if these are actually good times or not, but it made me feel all warm and fuzzy when I finally saw the sunglasses on expert. This just goes to show if you have a goal and work hard to achieve it good things will happen. Cheers.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Chinese Autocracy

The snow kept me indoors all day, and I’ve been listening to G’N’R for about the last 5 hours. I think I’m about ready to begin dissecting Axl’s new work. Before I being I need to preface this by saying Axl and I have had our ups and downs over the years. I’ve always liked him, but we had quite a falling out my senior year of college when the donkey cancelled a show in Portland which I had primo tickets for. The Guns website claimed it was because the Civic Center wasn’t going to let them shoot some of the pyro they used on the regular. This was also back up by the friend of an ex-lover who worked at the Civic Center at the time, though well after the fact. The roadies on site that evening, however, claimed it was because Axl drank his face off until 6 in the morning in NYC and didn’t want to drive to Maine just to head back south that night. Since then I’ve mellowed in my old age and have forgiven him. So I’ve come to purchase this new work, Chinese Democracy, with open ears.

With all that being said, after multiple listens of old and new material this afternoon and now into the evening I feel I need to say “Axl’s new work” because this shouldn’t really be called a Guns N’ Roses record. This was Axl wanting to make a record. In my opinion he did a pretty nice job. I like Axl on a mic, I always have, probably always will. But Slash’s absence from the album is glaring. To me, Guns without Slash is like lamb without tuna fish. It’s just not the same.

It was also very clear how overproduced Chinese Democracy was…the liner notes told this story as it took two pages to give proper credits for the 14 tracks. Six guitarists contributed, two bassists, three keyboardists, and it continued on down the line to digital editors, mixers, and orchestral arrangements throughout. All this lead me to the conclusion that there’s no possible way to compare this album to Appetite. It’s just not possible. In the case of Appetite there was no excess, it was just 5 or 6 guys in complete synergy bringing it with no regard on every track. The new work was a Roman orgy of sounds with very little natural chemistry.

Right from the start it was certainly apparent Axl can still bring it. He still has the range to hit many highs and still has his patented snarl that can kick a song up a couple of notches. From the very beginning of the first track he’s wailing away and getting it done nicely. Of course, for all we know his vocals were laid down in 1995 when he was still young and foolish and have just been placed over new background vocals and instruments, but the world will never know the answer to that…

There’s no question this new album built substantially off the experimentations which were present on the Use Your Illusion albums (FYI: I consider these the last works of Gun’s N’ Roses. Shut your mouth about “The Spaghetti Incident?” If you try to bring it up, I will hit you.). The vocals were a lot more emo as a lover scorned than earlier songs about blatant drug use and explicit fornication which Appetite was wrought with (Nighttrain, Mr. Brownstone, My Michelle in the case of the former, Anything Goes, Rocket Queen for the latter). While there was still death and destruction present I have to say I found it much more subdued. This isn’t to say the lyrics were deeper or better-crafted, just mellower. They were still in most cases simple as shit. “Street of Dreams,” which I found to be fairly similar to “Estranged” on UYI-II, contains the verse “So now I wander through my days / and try to find my ways / to these feelings that I felt.” Just read that a couple of times and it should be apparent what I find lame (Just in case: “feelings” and “felt” within 4 words of one another…that’s just lazy.)…

Before hearing I guessed this would be overproduced, and that prediction was spot on. However, as I also said earlier with 17 years to dicker and rework everything 600 times I’d expect nothing less. This brought with it plusses and minuses. I liked the tight, crisp feeling which was present thoughout; however, t just felt like Axl was striving for perfection on every song, and if you’re going to set yourself up with those kinds of expectations if you don’t get there people are going to notice. I noticed in some instances. It sounded “together” because of how much time was put into combining the myriad elements of each song, not because the people making music were actually together feeding off one another. Again, the absence of Slash was hard to handle. Never before had I heard Axl getting back on the mic during a guitar solo and that continually caught my ear throughout the record. I found this to be rather sad, and my biggest complaint. The guitar work wasn’t always there. It was a lot less complex than Slash’s work, and that was tough to take.

With no idea what’s been released as singles, I thought the middle tracks on the album were strong. “There Was A Time,” “Catcher In The Rye” (shitty name, though), “Riad N’ The Bedouins,” and “I.R.S.” (corny subject matter, but a lot of their songs were built on corny subjects so I still found it catchy) were all good tracks. I also thought “Prostitute” was a decent closer. Still, the old times of Guns were simple times. The track titles were the hook. Not the case on Chinese Democracy. Just another case of Axl trying too hard. Overall: 13 out of 18 stars. A little better than middle of the road. Not Appetite, not Lies, but I’ll still give it airplay here and there. Cheers.

Well, the weather outside is frightful...

So I'm hunkered down at the Capone ranch for the day. I don't plan to vacate, we're supposed to get 12+"...WELCOME HOME, SAM & NICK HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Marie and Skip decided today would be a fine day for a turkey dinner, so I'm not mad about that. Another 20+ pound bird and all the fixings. Not a bad way to spend a Sunday, if I do say so myself. Fresh Shipyard Export 1/4 barrel on tap, plenty of supplies for caucasians. Could be an interesting afternoon. If you can make it out of your house you're welcome by for open faced turkey sandwiches and other vittles. Talk to me. Cheers.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Coming Soon

Picked up Chinese Democracy today at Bull Moose. I don't have a quality CD player at the house anymore, my old reliable stopped reading discs about 3 years ago so I had to import it as .wav files to make sure I kept the high fidelity...Axl would appreciate this. Liner notes are impressive, that's about all I've gotten through thus far. Plan to listen tomorrow Sunday morning, and into the afternoon if the fooseball games are shitty. Stay tuned, I'm pretty excited to hear it. Made an impulse buy of Lies used, too. It's kind of cheesy because they add crowd noise to the first 4 tracks and tried to pass it off as a live performance when they first released it, but closing with Patience, Used to Love Her, You're Crazy, and One in a Million make it more than worth the $5.97 i had to pay.

Sam hates when I do this but Mr. Deeds was just on and it made me think of Adam Sandler movies and a hilarious outtake from Punch Drunk Love involving one of the best actors of the last 10 years, Philip Seymore Hoffman. The dedication he shows to to his craft is remarkable and will keep him on top for years to come...though I guess not in this case...cheers.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Dead Weight Loss of Christmas & Future Plans

So today's a Friday, the last Friday before Christmas, come to think of it...I should do some Christmas shopping one of these days. I don't need many gifts, I don't really like the idea of gift giving. This stems from an article I read by Joel Waldfogel, written in 1993. His research suggests that gift givers generally pay more for gifts than the receivers would actually pay themselves, this creates a dead weight loss of money that comes from giving gifts. He suggests gift givers spend significantly more, on average, than the receiver would actually spend if they bought the gift on their own. Waldfogel is now the chair of the Business and Public Policy Department at UPenn's Wharton School of Business, so I'd say he knows his shit...here's his position on gift giving from his personal website:
...in 1993, after my first few holiday seasons at the receiving end of uninformed good intentions, I published a little paper in the American Economic Review called “The Deadweight Loss of Christmas.” The point was simple: elementary microeconomics teaches that consumers are better than others at eking the most satisfaction out of their shopping dollars. If this is true, then the sweaters, fruitcakes, and cribbage boards we receive as gifts should produce less satisfaction than cash gifts of equal size, putting aside sentimental value...The result: holiday gift giving destroys about a sixth of the value of gifts, in today’s dollars perhaps $10 billion annually.

Consumer sovereignty, the idea that the consumer is best situated to make his or her own consumption choices, is one of the foundations of many economists’ disdain for government. So if you dislike government because of its damaging effects on allocative efficiency, consistency requires you to have reservations about Santa Claus as well.
He backs this up with a study in 2005 that demonstrated people feel 18% more satisfied with gifts they buy for themselves than gifts they receive, but I don't plan to go into those details here. Basically, this is just another reason why I continue to follow the RandU motto: Deal in straight cash, homey.


On another note I've been meaning to write a lengthy review on the new Guns N Roses album, Chinese Democracy. It's been about 17 years since Guns (well, now really just Axl but that's a story for another day) put out their last album (well, albums, because they released Use Your Illusion I&II as separate albums in 1991 with far too much filler...I still hold the position that a singular Use Your Illusion album with only their best works could have been a top 5 album of all time. Maybe not quite as good as Appetite because of the shock and awe that came with it in 1987 - from the now-banned alien rape scene cover to the audio overlays of Axl banging out drummer Steve Adler's girlfriend in the studio on Rocket Queen...it really had it all - but still far better than almost every other hard rock album that's been released in the past 25 years.), and I think it's only fitting to give this new work a listen and form an opinion. I've heard it's over-produced, but with 17 years to dicker with the 12 or 13 tracks on it I'd expect nothing less from that angry, anal-retentive rock genius. So, when I finally break down and buy it I'll let you know my thoughts after 6 hours of continuous listening...

I've also gotten caught up in the buzz surrounding Mickey Rourke's new film, The Wrestler. It's about...wait for it...a washed up wrestler. It's directed by the same guy who directed Requiem for a Dream, a movie that gives me the willies but I feel the need to watch it about every 3 months. I find his work with a camera and scene set-ups captivating, especially because I know very little about movie making other than there can be a lot of money in it if you get lucky. I'm a big fan of money. I like it. I use it. I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. I haven't been excited about seeing a movie in quite some time (funny story. I couldn't remember the last movie I was excited about seeing so I wasn't going to try to make one up just to be clever. But as I'm grammar checking a commercial for the dvd release of Burn After Reading came on the boob tube. That is the last movie I was excited to see. The Coen Brothers are crafty.), so I don't care if it doesn't play in L/A. Or in Maine, or New England. If I have to go to NYC I'm seeing this movie before the new year. It's caught my attention. Stay tuned...


When I sat down I only planned to write about Chinese Democracy and The Wrestler. Consider my microeconomics lesson and the random Guns facts free gifts for this holiday season. And free gifts, my friends, are priceless. Cheers.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Virginia has come and gone, with just enough ballyhoo and poppycock for all who were involved. Back in the great state of Maine - the way life should be. And in December that means about 4 inches of snow with more predicted for Friday and Saturday. Awesome. Just finished beinga good son and shoveling the driveway so my mommy can pull safely into the garage when she gets home from school at 2:30. It's the least I can do for living rent free.

Anyways quite a bit went on this past weekend. I was reunited with LittleJohn's, arguably the best sub shop in the world. And I wouldn't lie about something like that. If you're a sub shop and you're open 24/7/365 you need to come correct, and that, my friends, is exactly what this fine establishment does. I only made it twice: once late night, once for lunch, but more than worth it both times. This was quite a bit under when I was last in the VA for 5 days and made it to LJ's 7 times. No big deal.

Upon my return I also feel like I gained quite a bit of culture while meandering around the Greater Charlottesville area with KathV. We made it to the UVA Museum of Fine Art, which really didn't have much on display other than some "futuristic" art made by some Russian. I wasn't all that impressed. They did have a nice surreal piece but I forgot the name of the guy who painted it and what it was a painting of. But trust me, it made an impact. Works by Picasso and Mattise will be on display in March but I don't believe I'll be able to make it back down to view that exhibit unless I do something crazy.

Also made it to Monticello, the home of Thomas Jefferson. From what the tour guides and pamphlets said, he was kind of a big deal. But, hey, if my old man was one of the richest men in the country at the time and gave me 5000 acres I could probably do some pretty rediculous things in my lifetime, too. But that's neither here nor there. I also never reailized Monticello was on the back of nickels. I don't really like nickels, so that could be why I'd never looked at one closely. I think I also just assumed it was some building in Washington DC. But overall it was a pretty neat place. The beds were really small. I don't think I would have enjoyed sleeping in them.

The outside was interesting, too. There were some old buildings, one of which was called the workman's house. KathV and I both thought that "workman's" was some new pc-term for "the enslaved," and we found that rather amusing. However, when we walked about 20 feet to our right and found "stone foundation of a 16'-20' slave house" we realized the folks who made the signs at Monticello weren't pulling any punches. Especially the one we read next that said something along the lines of "Thomas Jefferson felt slavery was the 'greatest abomination.' That being said, he only freed seven of the 115 enslaved workersat Monticello during his lifetime..." Nice work, JT.

The pr spin team was in full effect during our tour, however, when absolutely no mention was made of JT and the "extracurricular activites" he engaed at least one of his enslaved female workers in. As the tour concluded one of the women who was on our tour inquired about how she felt it odd no mention was made of Sally Hemings (It is widely believed that Jefferson egaged in coitis with Hemings and fathered at least one child with her. As I use the world wide web I find Jefferson actually freed four of her children...hmmm...). Our tour guide, a man in his late 50's with a gift of gab, smiled, giggled, and began to flub his words. We didn't stick around to hear the end of it...

All told it was a fun extended weekend. The Blue Angel made it back in one piece, and broke the 150,000mile club as we got just outside of NYC on our return north. It was a good day. That little bird is just getting broken in. A swell time was had by all.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Live from the VA...

My apologies to all who have been awaiting posts this week. I've been house sitting without internet since Monday so I haven't been able to get anything of substance up during the day between practices, usual business and my need to sneak away form the office for extended lunches most days last week...so, I'll come up with something soon.

Now I'm down in Charlottesville, VA at the University of VA and preparing for a fine weekend...my last two experiences have left nothing but the fondest memories...so, more to come over the next couple of days...

cheers. (and cheers, and cheers, and cheers...)

Monday, December 8, 2008

GREAT start to a week...

Thrilled to be in the office right now...wait, now, I'm not because I've been here since 7:30...on a Monday morning...Yes, I'm not happy.

House sitting all week staring this morning which is always nice, but I had to get up at 6 so I could swing by on my way to the office and walk Erine and give him his breakfast because I had to be at Bates for an 8am CPR and first aid recertification...o wait, no, I got the cancellation email 3 minutes after I booted up my computer after getting into the office...24 minutes before the start of the class...are you kidding me?

I mean, I live in Auburn, it's a 10 minute drive so whatever. But I'm sure other coaches not in season who drove from 30 minutes away won't be able to handle it as professionally as I am. The best part is the class got rescheduled for tomorrow...awesome, I wanted to get to the office before 8am two consecutive days in a row...for the first time in, well, ever.

In other more interesting news, The Aaron Rodger's Champion Ships (aka WinnerWinner ChickenDinners, aka Tony Homo and His Friends, aka The Matt Schaub All-Stars, aka Brady Quinn's Hype Machine, aka Aaron Rodger's RESURGENCE, aka (Players to be Named Later)'s, aka Matt Capone's It Only Takes 9's, aka JonnyFairplay's Baseball Team) has found its way back to the promised land. After an up-and-down 3-3 start the boys rallied around an injury to Tomy Romo and Matt Schaub steered the Ship to where it is today...staring down an Auburn Football League Championship next weekend. Bring on the Fletch-Cats (shitty name, I know...)

I was going to throw up an old video from youtube called Quantum Boggs, where Wade Boggs goes back in time to help Dan Marino win the '85 Super Bowl...but it's a 10 minute video and only the first 4 minutes are hilarious. The last 6 are awful and really leaves a sour taste in your mouth. But this, on the other hand, is a gem from the '04-'05 season and I really wish I could say I saw this live. I could watch this 1000 times in a row and still think it was funny the 1001st.

on that note, happy Monday...

Friday, December 5, 2008

Because I know how to embed videos now...

You're going to get some because I have nothing better to do on a Friday night. First one brings me back to middle school. Elementary school, even, with Woohaa! I got you all in check! It's just Busta being Busta. I was more of a When Disaster Strikes, guy...especially the video for Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See. That was some dope s. Anyways, this is some new shenanigans and the quality of the direction more than makes up for the lack of picture quality...

This is another good one. I don't listen to much rap these days that's from after 2000, but the grainy picture quality makes me feel like I'm back watching 8 mile. Only the real 8 mile, not Papa Doc. I don't know why but I never liked Papa Doc. Anyways, it reeks a little of Ivy League elitism, so whoever made this really deserves to get hit in the head with a brick and have Smokey jump over him and say "YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT," but as I don't think that will happen other than in my imagination we can just sit back and laugh at the obnoxious amount of time these guys must have wasted to dub this over like they did...

This last one is for my Mom...because she laughs hysterically every time it's on. And I have to say it's grown on me in the last week or so because it's on EVERY FRIGGING COMMERCIAL BREAK. No matter what the channel. It boggles my mind. But, I'm a habitual mumbler too, so if I can only pump out about 15 top 40 songs in the next 20 years maybe I'll get a 30 second spot like this mocking myself. Or I could just bite the head off a live bird and then endorse KFC. Ozzy hasn't done that yet, but with the Colonel moving on I think it's only a matter of time...


Slow News Day

Friday's are pretty low key around the office for me. Monday and Tuesday are my busy days, making up the weekly plan and preparing the workouts for the week. But by Thursday and (especially) Friday the hay is in the barn. Even during the season the entries are already in, the hotels, buses and departure times are already confirmed, it's just laying low and finding interesting things to pass the day until practice. Last year I'm go to the athletic department socials Friday mornings because I lived a block away so I could walk home for lunch if I wanted to. I have no interest of leaving home at 8am just to have a cup of coffee, sorry. So I sleep late. But at any rate I've got some things that have popped up over the past couple of weeks that I just want to get out in the open...

Why, in the absence of sunlight, do I get pasty white, but in the absence of sunlight everything else gets darker? I know the answer, but I hate the winter...

I bought thermos at ll bean about a year ago. I think it's magical. I made some tea yesterday morning before I went to work, then forgot about it all day. I came in this morning, needing a pick me up, and the tea was still steaming hot. I don't know how this happened, but I'm not mad at it.

(Below is just for me to try to see if I can figure out how to embed movies into these posts directly because a link to everything kind of sucks...bear with me until I get it figured out...)

I've got two carhartt jackets i'm looking to hoc on the cheap...one xl green with a quilt liner for $40 and one large brown hooded with a synthetic liner for $30...If you or someone you know is interested track me down, and remember Christmas is right around the corner. If you're looking for a paintball gun, laptop, or 3disc CD shelf system (that sounds good and has an aux hookup on the back for ipods) let me know. From those of you who have seen my fantasy football exploits you should know I always think it's time to play lets make a deal.

Meatball pizza might be the best pizza out there. Not the ground up meatball pizza, that shit's hamburger and don't get me started on what's lacking with hamburger pizza...but take meatballs and slice them thinly like pepperoni, then distribute evenly over the top. It's gold, Jerry. Gold.


ps...I just previewed and I have sweet embedding skills. The clip in this is from the link from this morning...this works much better. ::bling::

Fridays make me happy

And I trust you'll find this clip makes you happy, too. Had to get this up before I went into the office even if it makes me "late." Late? I'm not late...I'm my own boss. HAH.

No Gip's last night, I've got $43.37 to make it until Thursday when I get my (no so) fat check deposited into my checking account. The once this money is deposited I get another check January 8...ya I get paid by the month how lame is that? But, what's funny is I'm on break from December 11 until January 11...Hooowah. Telecommuting for a month, how you like me now?! But seriously, this video below is hilarious. Getcha popcorn ready.

Happy Friday.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Karma good, or Karma bad?

So, today I was leaving the office to run a couple errands and I step into the Blue bird for the quick trip around town. Wow, it's a nice night, I think out loud (I talk to myself a lot. I'm isolated in my office. And I usually have funny things on my mind. And I always think I'm funny, so deal with it.). Unlock the door. Talk a seat on the well maintained blue cloth. Key into the ignition. Step on brake. Step on clut::POP:: Clutch cable is no more. Horseshit.

Haha, but the thing is, I don't know whether to blame the bird or blame myself...I go on a walk down memory lame thinking back to all the good times I have with the Red Dragon less than a week ago, show it some love and get it back on the road, take it on a Sunday drive this past weekend...what was the bird to think? She must've know, she must have seen me smiling when I used a half inch of snow as an excuse to drive the dragon to work on Monday instead of her...

But at the same time, maybe I just got lucky that I finally got the dragon back on the road, and now I'll finally be motivated to get some other work done on the bird, too. I mean, hell, I changed her headlights on Saturday, she must know I love here...right?


I'm also too lazy to throw another post up tonight, so this is on a completely unrelated note. Just found this link pretty amusing after noticing how many folks in the 'real world' (it's like 'real america,' if you're living in the 'real world,' you know it and won't hesitate to tell everyone else you're living in the 'real world' while belittling anyone who you feel is not living in the 'real world.' Just to be clear, I don't believe in the 'real world,' and not just because no one belives me to be living in the 'real world.' Life is what you make of it, stop bitching because you made yourself a shitty life and have bills to pay. I live with my parents...I like my parents but who's got it bad now? But I digress...) spend far too much time cruising the internet and wankering off rather than just getting down to business and pounding out work. If traditional education in schools and college really teaches you anything it would be the fine arts of procrastination and recovery. While this is a seasonal article based on a Thanksgiving day at work I think we all know many of the events poke up most Fridays for a variety of reasons (read: booze). But that's just my $.02, enjoy it for yourself. cheers.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

So, this is Thanksgiving...

So as the Thanksgiving weekend comes to a close I'd just like to reminisce on the good times which always seem to occur when everybody returns to the good 'ole A-U-B for a couple days of debauchery. The first thanks must go to Jeff Campbell, because without his generosity the Auburn party scene would be vastly different. That house is legendary, has been that way for almost 9 years now, and I'm cautiously optimistic that it will be more of the same as Christmas approaches...

I don't know whether to punch or thank Beaver Lever for her unannounced gift which she felt necessary to bring to Campbell's house Wednesday night and throw down an unspoken challenge for me to wear said gift for the remainder of the evening. This gift will neither be given a name nor described further than me saying it was an apron. A Patriots apron, not a Giants apron...but I guess that was neither here nor there when it's all put into perspective. But I'm pretty sure everyone at Gritty's appreciated it. Thanks to those of you who kicked a dollar or two to "bet" me to wear it in...the only thing that taste better than beer is free beer.

Thanks also to Mr. Skip for starting our turkey at 5:30am for absolutely no reason. Nothing like rolling out of bed at 10:45 Thanksgiving morning and having a golden brown turkey on your kitchen table. I wasn't mad about that. Good form.

Last but not least, cudo's to CBS for getting Andy Rooney on air to lay into corporate America about holiday sales starting long before Thanksgiving even gets here. Mr Rooney believes it should be a law that bans Christmas displays in stores until December 1st. Now that would be something to be thankful for... cheers.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

New Life for the Red Dragon

I'm proud to say I'm back to being a two car family. The Jeep is back on the road.

I had my eye on new vehicles for most of the spring as I was sure I had no intention of getting the Jeep to pass inspection in June. The little red wagon needed serious exhaust work, a lot of body work, and neither inside door handles work. The Maine State Police frowns upon all of these. So I knew at some point I would be in need of new wheels. Uncle Henry's helped me out and I made some calls about some possibilities and happened upon a 1986 Volvo 240 near the end of June and fell in love.

She's got some quirks and I'm still plugging along with some minor repairs, but she's been my daily driver pretty much since I picked her up. It was a nice change. By mid-summer the Jeep had blown a tire and, of course, the rim was rusted onto the hub so no matter how hard I beat on that bastard with a sledge (and let me tell you, I hit that little turd hard) I was down a vehicle as my baby, my first (my last, my everything) car was out of commission.

That was until this week, when I finally decided to break down, trash the tire and just drive her down to my auto repair shop to get some help in throwing my spare on. Decided to get the oil changed too, figured what the hell. And over the past 2 days, I've remembered exactly why I never wanted another vehicle. There's nothing more fun than that little red wagon.

Granted, it doesn't go over 70. That doesn't mean I choose not to go over 70 with it...but it is not possible. In high school I maxed it our at 73...with my foot on the clutch as I was going downhill. That's all she's got. But for an in town car this little sonofabitch zips. Glass is everywhere so you can see everything, it's shorter than I am so it turns on a dime and parks like a breeze, you really can't ask for more. And the summer months it sheds its doors and top and that's when the magic happens. Ah, memories. Those of you who have been in it need to say nothing. Those of you who haven't will just never understand. The CAP-1 will always live on in the good ol' days.

So, the volv is a nice piece of machinery. It still catches the eye and elicits smiles as I pass down the pavement. I don't plan to lose it any time soon, if she's still going in 2018 you know I'll still have it because that's just how I operate. The Jeep is still not inspected, nor will it probably ever be again, at least while I'm paying. Hey, fuck the man. But as we come upon the holiday season I just want to give thanks to my baby, the Red Dragon, the Little Red Wagon, the Cap-1 mobile, the 1991 4cylinder Jeep Wrangler who has been one of my best and closest friends since we met that April moring in 2001. Auburn has never been the same since.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone to you and yours. Cheers.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Up and Down

Tonight may be a long night. It may not be. Depends on how I feel once i get going. First, great atmosphere at Gip's tonight. A lot of the old guard. That's the '03 class. Not the "OH HEY IT'S SO GREAT TO SEE YOU" stuff, but the "Oh...hey...it's...so great to see you..." But any time you see Dek, Pelkey, and Shawula (sp?) in the same place at the same time and they all say hi to this guy...whatever, it was a good evening and things are looking up for the fiesta that is the L/A Thanksgiving...

But while at Gippers' a more pressingf issue came up. I watched the Celts...not the Steelers-Cinncy game. The Celts played great...until the 4th quarter. Few people may see it my way, most will see this as garbage time minutes, and so who cares. What I saw at the 7 minute mark was Pruitt at the 1, Tony Allen at the 2, Leon Powe at the 3, Big Baby Davis at the 4...and Scal at the no fucking place on the court...
I like Scal. He's a great quote. Perk is a beast knows that. The LA media knows that. The Boston media knows that if Bob Ryan and Dan Shawnasay (probably spelled wrong but he spews garbage so fuck him) didn't dominate the headlines. Scal's hilarious. But the hilarity he demonstrates to the mic is the same hilarity he demonstrates to the game of basketball...keep this actor off the court! He knows his way through an interview, but this guy's a 7 year pro...he should! Pruitt...get him on the court! Powe...get him on the court! Scal? Get that character on the bench STAT. Doc started him earlier in the week...Really? I saw...(don't worry, I have nothing better to do...) tell Doc to lay off the shrooms...this ginger isn't Bill Walton. We know what Scal's got...call him Rudy. Gete the youngsters on the floor when you're up 25...not this dinkus.

I guess outside of this I don't have much. Had some big words planned about how the Celts finally got rolling in the first half and really turned it on for the 3rd qtr...but that was all overshadowed by Scal's final 7 minutes...I'm sorry. I'll accept sneaky layups from time to time but there's no way Scal should see the floor for 7 straight minutes, even in the last 7 of the 4th up 25...

Added note to this: The only reason the Celts got #17 last year was Scott Pollard. Said it last year when he was signed (verbally, the typing is new), but YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN. Scal's not Scott. Sorry. Just FYI. #18 is still possible in '09 but just know it will not be for the same reason as last year...Scott Pollard.

On my way to the Bean for the next few days. You won't hear from me in the bustling metropolis. I'm ready for sensory overload...don't you worry about that. cheers.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Notepad > The Stool

Many of you know I don't like to toot my own horn. But some of you may have noticed I beat the 'stool in publicly appreciating David Thorn and his spider currency antics by a day or two. While I stole this story from a comment section on the 'stool, I hope you're all able to see I aim to please. I knew in my heart of hearts this was going to be a hit, and the kind of humor my dear friends would appreciate. This was just too funny to resist. (toot, toot!)

I'd also like to use this as a time to announce the passing of the hilarious firejoemorgan.com. This blog has been around for a few years and basically just shit on commentators and sportswriters who spew garbage and misinformation with no disregard whatsoever. Washington needs watchdogs like this (I know, I know, Washington does have watchdogs like this. And in Washington, like the media, no one listens to them. If the media listened to firejoemorgan.com, I can guarantee you that cock knocker Jay Mariotti would be out of a job. That guy is just awful. But I digress...). But, if you have a minute (or half a day at the office) to waste check it out and some of their past stories they write some good stuff. They claim they're done, but I could see a little MJ with the Wizards in their future. There will always be a market for them because sportscasters and writers will always spew 2500 words of garbage when 200 words of fact would do. And that's my 2 cents...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Comments Section

Just want to apologize for the comments not popping up on the same screen but bringing you to a new screen which contains only that particular post. I am confined to the fixed nature of google's blogger application and thus it is out of my control. I encourage the banter and enjoy the humor and insight outside voices bring to this fine forum, so read, respond, and re-respond. cheers.

Not sure if I'll be out on Thursday..if I'm out I'll do my best to come up with something good. But don't get your hopes up...my aim is a career arch similar to Jose Canseco... .280 average with some bombs from time to time. And when things turn sour I'll turn to reality tv and narc-ing on my friends. But, feel safe...I'll feel bad about it afterwards.

Monday, November 17, 2008

I wish I could take credit for this...

...but I happened upon this while scanning comments on the 'Stool. I don't know if this is real or fake, but even if it's made up this is some serious amount of legwork and makes it equally amusing. To set the scene, a collection agent emails a gentleman reminding him he has a debt which needs to be paid, and said gentleman attempts to settle the debt. If you don't think this is funny, your heart is black.

A nice try, I must say...


I got to snooping and this guy, David Thorn, might just be crazier than a shit house rat (click the finger to get started...). I may have just found some inspiration and direction for this new, crisp notepad. Only time will tell..

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Financial, savvy?

Young Nicholas makes a fine point in response to my last jab at him and his lap dance fetish...we cannot let these hard economic times interfere with our post-collegiate freedoms. The crafty and intelligent will never cut corners even when the little known disease myfundsarelow strikes...they will find creative strategies to continue living, and living well. Not to toot my own horn, but as many of you know I did this even during the good times. A dollar saved is a dollar you can spend later, my friends. So let me provide you with some sounds investment strategies to help get you through these rocky times.

The first is simple: Wear a sweater, stupid. If you have an apartment and you're on a middle floor...wear a sweater and you don't need to keep your heat turned on. At all. Heat rises, my friends. Your pipes will not freeze, because you're stealing heat from the apartment below you and any pipes above you will be heated by the poor saps living above you. Hell, as long as you're on the 2nd floor or above, even on the top floor heat is a commodity. Having your special someone over for dinner? Kick that thermostat back on and show her a good time. But when you get up to go to work and her ass stays in the sheets, that dial goes back down, my friends. Pipes don't freeze at 50, they freeze at 32...you're fine, trust me.

2: Learn the "young adult specials." As much as I try to resist, we are in fact social creatures. That means we as young adults enjoy interacting at restaurants and bars. But, nothing says you need to go to the $5 beer 7$ mix drink shitholes with no service. EVER (Fuck you, Gritty's). After 9pm drink and ap specials are a survival tool fiscal conservatives need to learn and love. Some are nice. In town Applebee's has an after 9 drink special every night. But Fridays and Saturdays they slow play you with full price ap's. A sucker would pass this off and say "On the whole, I can pay a little bit more on these nights...it is the weekend after all. WRONG! Gip's throws it down after 10 on Fridays with half price ap's. If you don't know, now you know. Gip's on Thursday, half price 32 oz. after 9. Mix and match. Thursday grab a quick chicken basket and Killians at the Bee's before hopping over to Gip's for their tall, cool Budweisers. Fridays, just a Killians at the Bee's to loosen up then go to Gip's for a late dinner, maybe even to go, then have your tall cool Budweiser poured by yourself from a 30 pack can (this is simply not possible and i made myseld laugh as I'm typing it. I've yet to meet a person who can walk into Gipper's and not order a tall, cool Budweiser. Well, at least I can't, so that's my $4 splurge in a given week. Sue me.).

2a: Goose. That's all I have to say.

2b: These aren't money saving strategies but just need to be mentioned in this section. Always tip your waitress. And tip them fairly. Not always well, but if you're a regular and you have a tall, cool Budweiser placed at your table within a minute of sitting, that deserves a little more that your average. And I'm a 20% guy. See, jerks, I'm not cheap, I'm just quirky in my spending. And at these places my tips equal fair market value. You're ordering a $4 beer and $8 ap, even if it only costs you $6. 6+3 = 9. 4+8+3=15. It's not rocket surgery you're still making out like a bandit.

3: Pay with cash. This may thrown a little bit of you for a loop, but this might be my only true investment strategy. Very few purchases (other than restaurants and bar settings) are for just dollars. There are almost always cents left over. These cents, when placed in your pocket, brought home, and collected in a safe space eventually produce a small amount of savings. You seem to pay a tad bit more initially, But 40 cents here and 30 cents there are negligible and forgotten as soon as the purchase is made...but this becomes a rainy day fund. You start doing this today...today, my friends, and pay mostly with cash from now on, you could find yourself with close to $40 dollars by Christmas time that you forgot you had. This equals cards for mom and the grandparents, who eat that shit up (+/-$10) That's still close to 30 bones to blow on food and drinks. Follow steps 2 and 2a and you've got yourself a free weekend right there almost every month. (Some of you are saying, "Matt, how can this be? I don't think I spend all that much money." Well let me spell out my voodoo math. I believe (in most cases) everything in life comes back to 50/50 odds. Some things are up, some are down. In this case, sometimes you get more change than 50 cents when you pay with cash, sometimes less. But if you make 20 purcheses a week, no matter if you spend a dollar and change or $100 and change, my voodoo math says about $10 a week will come back to your pocket slightly unexpected at a later date. You're not gaining any money doing it, but trust me most times it sure as hell puts a smile on your face when you find your trust sack of quarters.

3a: Coinstar is the devil. If you want to give 11 cent's on the dollar to me I'll roll your changes with a smile on my face all the way to the bizank. It takes a half hour (+ or -) to roll $100 in coin, less if it's mostly silver. Don't pay the evil machines $20 an hour to do this for you.

4: and this goes back to a finishing suggestion from point 2. Buying in bulk is generally your friend. Generally, that is, because if you cannot engage in portion control with your bulk purchases you will lose money. That is, say you buy a 30 pack for 18 dollars, but feel the need to drink 5 when 2 will do. Indulges have their time, but don't make it every night. We are being frugal, right? And when you buy cans and bottles, save your cans and bottles. Like change, it's yours but you get it back. Let's call changes and cans diversification within your portfolio.

5: And this is my favorite, but will probably find some haters: Live with your parents. This is not to say you can live a freewheeling lifestyle. Hear me out. I'm single, and I don't have the knack for conversation with the opposite sex. From time to time, however, I do get lucky, and at times these fine co-eds are also without adequate and/or appropriate housing. "Matt, how do find a way?" A little thing I call a low priced, but clean, hotel room. "Matt, what the shit? Hotels cost money...You've led me along for this long and now in your last point your thesis comes crumbling to the ground..." Not so fast, my friends. What's a room go for, $75, maybe? Say the moon and the stars align and I'm in need of a hotel room 4 weekend evenings in a given month. Do the math, that's $300 at the absolute most. Think about the cost of an apartment, even in Lewiston. $500ish. That's at least $200 in my pocket (and let's be honest, $550 a month since I moved back because I'm in what the unlucky call a "cold streak") every month.

"Matt, you are a genius."

(toot, toot).

Friday, November 14, 2008

Fell on Black Days

So, this is my first retort to comments, and I really didn't expect to bother with this...but it's Thursday and this post may be caused by my weekly Gipper's night. Though in truth this Gipper's night saw only 5 minutes of Gippers and then ventured from Applebee's to Margarita's to the Goose because Gip's has the NFL network so it was packed and I was pissed come 8:15pm when I remembered this crucial tidbit of information as I pulled into a packed parking lot...but I digress. Margarita's had the game on so I saw most the second half and OT there which made me warm and fuzzy inside because now I'm pretty sure my Giants have this league on lock; but, again, that's neither here nor there.

I did not watch the CMA's last night because the Celts were playing the Hawks in a key early season match up...CMA's vs. Celts/Hawks?...that's not even up for debate. Game was an instant classic, too, so I had no reason to change the channel once it was locked in on Comcast Sports New England. This also may have been a result of the Blue Bird's CD (that's compact dics, they came out prior to Ipods and provide better quality audio than the mp3 or AAC format. Still nowhere near the warmth of LP's, but I'm pretty sure no one reading this appreciates LP's so this will fall on deaf ears...) player recently finding old Soundgarden and Alice In Chains. I couldn't say I was ever truly interested in the grunge sound when it came out...but that was 1990-1994 and I was 7-10 at the time. Sue me. But over the last few months I've found it powerful. If it wasn't for heavy, heavy intravenous drug use Layne Staley may have been viewed in the same light as Robert Plant and Mick Jagger (the key being neither of the latter died of chronic heroin use). But this period of heavy, heavy drug use produced heavy, heavy, guitar riffs, and that has intrigued lately. Country has been on the back burner. Grunge, (and 98.9WCLZ, mainly Sarah Barellis and Grace Potter, two fine female songwriters who have ABSOLUTELY no link to the aforementioned artists but shut up they're good) have been where my musical interests have been positioned since August. Toss on Dirt and you'll see what I'm getting at...

As far as Fantasy Football goes...I mentioned the good old days. And those were the good old days. Some people (Jaguars fans from New England) know their season is over before it begins, so all they have to look forward to is rooting for players who don't play in Florida and gloating when the Pat's don't win the 1-in-32 lottery that is the Super Bowl Championship. I don't like fantasy football because I appreciate the game for what it is...EVERYTHING(Other than Oakland, AL Davis needs to quit)! A 14-10 battle against two power running and defensive juggernauts in just as impressive as a 42-41 shootout, because they are both exactly what the game should be. I just don't want to sweat over either all fall for a measly 20 bucks. I'm not filthy rich; but, bitches, I'm barely broke. My point: Raise the stakes or our league will continue being treated as dated in this day and age (Sam will still compete because he's greedy, and Nick will still compete because the winner's share will buy him 5 lap dances. Campbell will still compete, but his efforts are in futility and I'll be the first to say I have no problem taking Jeff's money from his 2-7, unemployed ass. I'll end on that...still in parentheses...SHOOTER!).

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Celtic Pride

On a complete tangent that results from Pierce nailing a game-winning 18 foot rainbow with :00.5 left on the clock...If you haven't watched a Celt's game yet this year...get your ass in gear! Just make sure it's a home game...Tommy doesn't seem to be traveling this year, and Mike Gorman and (insert random warm body here) are nobodies. Nothing screams blatant homerism like Tommy Heinson, and that my friends, is true Boston sports.

And c'mon, after the last two games you're not fired up? That shit's baby food. NBA: Where Paul Pierce happens. Have a Pepsi Max or something and wake up, people.

On a side note...Pierce has put up more points in each of his last two games than Campbell has put up in each of his last two weeks in the Auburn Football League. Is Paul Pierce just that amazing, or is Campbell just that inept ("NBA: Where Paul Pierce ouscores Campbell's fantasy football team on a nightly basis happens," anyone...)? The jury may still be out on that, but stay tuned...

Fantasy Foo(y)ball.

Marie and I had a good conversation over dinner tonight that made me think just how long I've been doing fantasy football. Started in 1998, in 8th grade. So this is my 11th year. Double digits, I'm old...or am I? I feel like my league was on the cutting edge, still in the diapers era of fantasy football. Our commissioner was Dennis (The Menace) Cormier, a pioneer in the development of fantasy sports and a devotee of the Monday morning Sun Journal which contained all the box scores of Sunday games. Internet? What the fuck was the internet? "Live" updates of scores happened as halftime and postgame shows those first couple years. When 56k became the standard is was a good day if you could check all 6 1 o'clock games before the 4pm games were at halftime. It took until Wednesday at lunchtime to get stats out if the Monday night game ended after the delivery print of the paper had already gone to press. Those were the good old days.

My first year (not to brag, but you'll see I'm the man) I grabbed Steve Young (career high 36 td's and first QB to throw for 6 consecutive 300+yd games, in his last full season) in the 1st round and found a little gem I like to call Fred Taylor (rookie year when he rushed for a then Jaguars record 1223 yds, 1600+ total yards and 17 total touchdowns...in the 14th round of a 16 round draft...my last two picks were kickers...that's what's up). The rest of the nuts and bolts are a blur other than the "phantom trade" which occured when one Jeff Sloat called the commish and said I consented to a trade (ERRONEOUS!) and STOLE Gary Anderson from me in week ll...but that's neither here nor there. To continue, I wound up 12-4 when it was all said and done and carried the banner of the inagural Auburn Football League Champion (I'll accept handshakes and pats on the back whenever you deem appropriate).

But much has changed in the 10 years that have followed, and my focus has certainly waned at times (Sabastian Janikowski in the 1st round his rookie year was not one of those lapses in judgment...I saw something special in that kid), but this year I decided to rededicate myself to the sport. And what I've found is I hate fantasy football. My team is 6-4, 2nd in the division and ranked 4th overall (though #2 in points scored), and not to fluff myself up, I have a stud team (Brian Westbrook and Tony Romo [who are currently on their way to the Naughty Dolphins for Aaron Rodgers and Larry Fitzgerald], Ronnie Brown, Chris Johnson and LenDale White at RB, Aquan Boldin, Andre Johnson, Eddie Royal, Desean Jackson to name a few at WR, Owen Daniels at TE (he's the #3TE in the league this year and plays for the Texans, if you don't know now you know) whatever kicker has a good matchup against a good but not great D so the ball will move but not result in touchdowns, and last usually a defense that is playing either the Raiders or the Rams (the beauty of week-to-week waiver wire moves).

Over the last 5 weeks I've put up over 600 points and have gone 4-1, and this caused me to forget why I hate fantasy football. It's easy to be happy when you're scoring points. But when you see the Titans with 20 total rushing yards (like those dinks did last week in an otherwise entertaining football game) you want to change the channel because your guys are playing like ass. But I guess my point is I like football, not football players. I like watching good football, not the blowouts that fantasy folks want to see. It was a lot easier for me to watch my Giants (2008 Superbowl Champion Giants, I remind you) when I don't have to worry about who has Plaxico Buress or Brandon Jacobs on their team (If you drafted Eli, however, I feel sorry for you). My football seasons were a lot more enjoyable when the 20 bones I threw to the league was just looked at as a night in August I would have to stay in rather than have a few tall, cool Budweisers at Gippers. The minute you start to take this crap seriously, you're ruined, and I'm sorry for you (and 2008 me...).

I fell into the trap this year, and while it appears I may get my money back this time around it's caused me far more aggravation than I need in Autumn. So next year, it may very well be hello Jeff Wolfert (and with good reason, this kid reminds me of a young Janikowski without the Polish heritage).

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Goose Turned 75 Last Night

Just wanted to get the word out. It was festive, let's just leave it at that.

Quote of the night came not from a person at the Goose (though there were some good ones there), but from Reese Davis on the ESPN college fooseball halftime show when he was talking about the first half of the Florida-Vandy game (Florida was up 28-nil at that point)..."If it was a fight, they would have stopped it. If it was a horse, they would have shot it." Davis 1, PETA 0.

Friday, November 7, 2008

It happens...

So yesterday was Thursday, which clearly meant I was going to have a couple of drinks. With Campbell unemployed he was obviously interested, so in trying something new (because i had a gift certificate) we went to Espo's to have a couple of drinks and some slices of pizza pie. First off we get fucked because we order a pizza for 15 bucks, then we see the specials on the board and they have twin lobsters for $11. Sonofabitch. But that's neither here nor there, I just would have appreciated having a waitress who would actually tell us the specials. Anyway.

The hostess who seated us and got us our first drink was a lewsiton dime piece. 5'6", fit. nice smile, little fuck me glasses, and what was most impressive is she seemed happy with her job and was smiling. That's something you don't see every day. But, both Shawn and I were taken by her, but we both lack confidence and don't have the stones to just call her back over and ask her about her situation. So after the meal and a couple Jack & Cokes my internal monologue says "Fuck it, if you don't weigh in, you don't wrassle." I pull our waitress aside and ask about the fine young woman in the black top who seated us. Her response was...

"Umm, yeah. I'm pretty sure she has a boyfriend...yes, she does...and just so you know, I think she's kind of young...like...16 young..."

Whoops. Needless to say Shawn had to hustle to down his drink so I wouldn't make a scene breaking into hysterics inside. I'm a gamer so I was able to make it outside before I started laughing uncontrollably. We didn't see that coming. Another fine evening in the AUB.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Purple Tuesday

Said yesterday I'd go political today, so here it is. I currently dislike both Obama and McCain on the whole. Obama is untested and more of an ideal than an actual candidate. McCain seemed like a good choice until he went all Christian-right and alienated independent voters and picked Palin for his running mate. If this was a McCain-Lieberman ticket for the Republicans I'd be driving old folks to the polls tomorrow to vote for those two...but that's not the case. In my heart of hearts I'm a libertarian. Give me roads. Give me safe borders. Call it a day. Lack of government is the best government. Which is why is puckers up my butthole to vote for "the idea" of Obama, a man who has successfully aquired absolutely no record on any issues while he's been in political office. But Bob Barr as a Libertarian candidate? Former prosecuter who led the War On Drugs for 10 years through the 90's? To you, sir, I say, "C'mon." So Obama it is. That and I am a strong supporter of pro-choice, and a vote for McCain will be a vote to restrict civil liberties. Let our folks do what they want.

Senate race is a waste of time, of course I'm voting for Susan Collins. WHile it should be reason enough to vote against Allen because he's a Bowdoin grad, I don't have to because Collin's record and her level of respect within the Senate speaks for itself. Keep the good work coming.

Mike Michaud is still my vote in the House. Voted for him last time and he's done nothing to lose my vote since then. The fact I haven't received a single piece of mail from him is also a plus. I like the confidence he demonstrated by not even bothering to campaign.

Maine State Senate will be an authoritative vote for Lois Snowe-Mello. Deb Simpson wasted far too much paper in her campaign, which makes me want to puke. I've been receiving two flyers a week for the past two months...with nothing of substance on any of them. Not just cheap 8.5'x11" recycled paper, but heavy duty glossy cardstock. This blatant waste does not fly with me so I will vote for the incubant with a record of reigning in spending within the state.

Maine House District 70...this is a tough call. I know it's district 70 because Panthea Burns stopped by my parents house Saturday afternoon in an effort to get out the vote...and didn't endorse herself other than introducing herself. I like that confidence. I liked it so much I wished her luck. That sold me.

Ballot Issues:
1. aka the tax issue. I'll be voting for the veto. Dirigo is a flawed program that has not been successfully implemented. Taxing my beer is not the way to go about it. I'm not fed up with taxes, but I don't want my tax dollars going to a flawed program.

2. aka the casino issue. I'm against it, but not because I'm terribly opposed to casinos. I have a sneaking suspicison the taxes paid by the casinos will end up right in the pockets of the poor Mainer morons who gamble well above their finances, but I can look past that to the wording of the ballot issue. This would limit the state to one casino. If we want to go down this road let's be f'ing Vegas. Don't limit it to one casino in Maine, that's poppycock. rewrite the law then we'll talk. After shitting on the natives since we came across the pond, I think it's time to let the do what they want with the shitty scraps we've given them back.

3. Bond issue for drinking water. I like drinking water, I'm in. and bond issues allow for the maintainence of roads and other public necessities, and that's all I really care about in government. Give me roads. Protect my borders. Let me do what I want. I vote yes. Cheers.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Crap (or Not? Jury's still out...)

So this day has just gone to shit. Matt Schuab got hurt for my fantasy team and has put a damper on any hopes I have for knocking off young Samuel Fletcher and giving him his first loss on the year. It's one thing if I leave points on the bench. That's my own fault and I can wear that. But getting injured? C'mon. And Matt Schaub? David Carr starts as a rookie, gets absolutely pummeled for 5 or 6 years and doesn't miss a game. He sucked 97% of the time and probably didn't deserve his starting job, but he didn't miss a god damn game. Now this jerkus has missed or left 3 games in his first 8 starts this year...lock it up and get your shit together, man.

Track starts Wednesday, too. Am I prepared? No. Let's just leave it at that...

Having just gone on that tirade above, The Matt Schaub All-Stars are up 39 points over the Fletch-Cats at the conclusion of the Sunday afternoon contests. The younger, better looking GM of the 'Cats has Randall "Straight Cash Homie" Moss tonight and Clinton "aka Southeast Jerome, aka Coach Janky Spanky, aka Bro Sweets, aka Choo-Choo, aka Sheriff Gonnagetcha, aka Dr. Do-itch Big, aka Dolemite Jenkins, aka Bud Foxx" Portis on Monday Night Football. Big Ben needs to not get a hard on during pre game and play well...but let's just say 40 isn't a long shot with those two characters in the mix.

Close to 8, Indy-Pats can wait since the G-men kicked ass today, I'm watching the Simpson's Halloween Special. Peace, I'm out.

For the record...

...the no double spaces after sentences on this thing is killing me. It looks like shit, in my humble opinion. So, it's the "geniuses" at Google who can't pick their nose and drink a beer at the same time that's making it happen, not laziness on my part.

And, on a lighter note, stay tuned for my thoughts on the two party system that we call democracy within this fine Union. I'll try to lay off the libertarianism but no promises.

0 for 2

My collegiate Halloween costumes were legendary...that goes without saying. However, last year, my first year out I had no motivation to continue. Same went for yesterday...my costume ideas hit the proverbial shit fan when I cut the flow and could no longer typecast myself as a popular longhair (while never resorting to the lame-ass Jesus getup.). That's a niche market few can capture without selling out and wearing a wig. Wigs? that shit's baby food. So at any rate it appears I've found my link to Sampson, the mythical legend who lost his strength when he cut his hair...I've lost my Halloween mojo. And let's be serious, it's not like I'm pulling any tail right now either, so Halloween is a cheap excuse to get boozed up and grab ass. But my commitment to a legitimate costume has clearly caused me major hickups. As I attempt to bring the flow back I'll have to see if I can fix my feelings of costume inadequacies by next October 31st. My sources say I'll get the ship righted.

Sitting on my ass both Friday and Saturday nights stone sober (outside of a couple road sodas on the way home from the xc meet, but, c'mon, backroads on a Saturday afternoon? You know those are coming out. But that's neitehr here nor there.), I was able to watch some good and some so bad it's good TV. New favorite hour of television It's Always Sunny and Philadelpia and Testees were not as good as advertised this week. I was unimpressed.

Also watched one very good movie Thank You For Smoking, and one so bad it's good movie: Beer Leauge. And concerning Beer League...why the fuck in every movie that has a salty old man he has to end up dead? Dodgeball? Patches...dead. Old School? Blue...dead. Beer League...needless to say Dirt ends up dead. And if you've never seen it, let me quote Gump..."I'm sorry I ruined your New Year's Eve party, Lieutenant Dan. She tasted like cigarettes."

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Gipper's Thursday

It's common knowledge I frequent Gipper's sports bar every Thursday around 8:58pm to receive half price tall, cool, Budweisers. Tonight the waitress convinced me to order Sam Adams Octoberfest so I could receive free prizes. This was a significant change for me. I like Sam Adams brews as much as the next gentleman; the fact Anheuser Busch sold out to some foreign dick heads pains me to no end every time I order a Bud (This Bud used to me for me...and America.)...but I digress. Ordering the Sam did allow me to pick up a free Christmas gift for Skip. Which was nice.

It's also cold as balls in Maine. Marie and I have a little bet to see how long we can keep the heat off in the Capone household. Needless to say, when I got home from Gip's she was on the couch under 2 blankets...so she may be bowing out before I wish. Sounds like she's baby food to me...

Also, saw Orion's belt. It was a clear night...you should know that...because I said it was balls cold and it's only October. If it's cloudy or hazy it does not get balls cold in October. It's a rule, I think. So, the stars were popping, which is always something special to come home to when I look around going in. I'm a nerd, I look around every night on my walk inside. I look around twice when I've had a couple beers in me, so I guess tonight to be truthful I saw the belt twice...

Marie had on Nightline when I walked in, so I just saw a feature on some 13 year old joker who's climbed 6 of the 7 Summits. Only has Everest left...he's from Big Bear Lake, CA. His dad is the absolute man, in my opinion. Just loves watching his son walk up ice and shit and freak out because he's 12...but daddy-o doesn't give two phucks because he's old and hippie-ish hiker (I'd say he enjoys a good smoke, but his lungs seems resilient...) Anyways, if I happen upon $100k maybe that will be in the cards in the next 10 years or so. I'm an out of shape slob but I could still kick the crap out of that pre-pubescent donkey. That's all the confidence I need for 20,000+ peaks...I'll sleep on that.

Also missed It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Testee's...they;re on tomorrow from 11pm-midnight so I'll watch them then with Marie and let you know my thoughts...they're phenomenal so watch on your own, too. Cheers.



I really have nothing better to do these days. I lead a fairly uneventful and simple life, but let's see if I can lie cheat and steal my way into interesting. I look forward to the challenge. Let me know your thoughts. And grammatical and spelling errors. Those really grind my gears. Cheers.