Monday, October 5, 2009

Oh, you didn't know?

It's official...I don't know what brought it on, but I'm caught up again big time.  I've been youtubing quite a few late 90's wrestling clips over the past week (Ed Note: I wrote this Friday but never had a chance to proofread it...and spent 4 hours Saturday doing the same thing.  This has been extreme.  If you have a problem with that I'll amck your lips off your face, pick them up off the ground, and make them kiss my ass.  Know your role and shut your mouth..).  Not in the new crap that's on now, but in the Attitude era WWF where the Monday night ratings war was HUGE.  When I was really little (think 5-7...and I was REALLY little then) I'd watch WWF when Hogan was king and there were millions of little Hulkamaniacs out there taking their vitamins and saying their prayers because those 24 inch pythons told them all to.  But, to be honest, I was never a huge Hoagn fan.  Rick Rude was my man.  Guy was a bad ass.  And had a bitching porn 'stache.  Nickname: Ravishing.  Always had a beautiful girl under his arm whose name escapes me (forgive me...I think I was 7 the last time I saw him on TV).  He was slightly more of a technical wrestler than the Hulkster (meaning he could do more than lock up, the "Test of Strength," forearm smash, and leg drop people..) but he was much more of a showman than a tactician.  Whatever, I was 7.  I could like whoever I wanted to like.  And Jake the Snake.  EVERYONE liked Jake the Snake.  I had his action figure.  It came with a snake.  Clever bit of marketing right there. 

For whatever reason I stopped watching for a few years but just before middle school business picked back up.  This was when the WCW and WWF blew back up.  And I was a pubescent boy and there was always T&A on the screen and a bunch of guys being assholes.  There really isn't much more a 12-13 year old kid wants out of his television (except the Playboy channel, but back then you couldn't win them all...The Godfather and his Ho's were a close 2nd..). 
But anyways when I got back into professional wrestling actually I watched WCW quite a bit.  I was a HUGE Rick Steiner fan.  The Junkyard Dog.  Come to find out he was actually a legit collegiate wrestler at UMinnesota, I believe.  But I didn't know that at the time.  I enjoyed his ear guards and his propensity to suplex.  Awesome.  So I'd flip back and forth and try to stay up on storylines for both networks.  Everyone knows wrestling is staged, but so are movies.  So shut up.  It was cool back then.

This is embarrassing but my friends and I would all wrestle in a basement on couches back then.  Not the backyard style that was just "Hey, let me throw you through a table and smash a window on your face."  We'd pick a persona in the WWF, get in costume, execute their moves, make up storylines, "get over."  All on tape.  This was before youtube, so don't worry about digging up any visual evidence online (Though I'm sure I have some VHS's kicking around somewhere.  Be scared, anyone who was involved..).  And it was fun for a few months.  Planning out matches, the in-ring communication, then executing under pressure...I know it contributed to my uncanny spatial and kinesthetic awareness as well as my ability to think under pressure (It was either those things or the few chair shots I took...pick'em).  Then after a few months high school came and...we all just stopped.  Well, except for one of us.  But that's a story for another day (And continued wishes of success, Mr. Finely-Tuned Athletic Machine..).

For whatever reason I gravitated towards the Road Dogg Jesse James.  Guy had the best of both worlds: an in-ring persona that was badass and he was a good technical wrestler.  And it provided an opportunity for my usual partner-in-crime and I to team up (first we were H20 distribution engineers for a fine institution of higher learning known as Lewiston High School, later the New Age Outlaws with the WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WOOOOOOORLD belts to prove it, and more recently but still a little while ago "The sketchy kid and the kid no one likes"...really, we've worn quite a few hats over the years..).  But that shit was fun, make fun of me if you want because it will not hurt my feelings.  And I still have a Road Dogg t-shirt.  K, I'll be honest.  It's my 2nd generation Road Dogg t-shirt.  I cut the sleeves off of the first like the D-O-Double-G to wrestle in; I picked that one up at a house show I saw in 7th or 8th grade, but it disappeared shortly after we wrapped filming.  So I had to get a 2nd via eBay.  And it's probably a good thing I lost the first, too.  It was a medium, and I don't find schmediums a good look for me.  Not now, not ever.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, but if you don't know the Attitude era (D-Generation X, Austin 3:16, Smelling what the Rock is cooking and laying the smacketh down on the corner of Know Your Role Blvd and Jabroni Dr, Sweet chin music, Hell in a Cell matches, Have a Nice Day, Al Snow being a crazy bastard and carrying around a creepy mannequin me, the list goes on and on..) then youtube all that goodness and more.  You'll be impressed.  And for a bit of light reading on the industry swing by your local library and pick up a book authored by Mick Foley, aka Mankind, aka Dude Love, aka, Cactus Jack (also one of my favorites of all time..) and get his book, Have a Nice Day.  This is his first book, I never read his 2nd...I'm pretty sure he has a 2nd book.  He's a terrible writer, only slightly better than myself...ya, that bad.  And it reads like a 4th grader's "What I did on my summer vacation" one page response...
I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this.  Then I did this...
...but for 400 pages.  But don't let that discount you.  The guy's been around the block so it's a good read.  Alright time to start my day.  Cheers (And if you're not down with that, I've got two words for ya..).

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