Sneaky Comfort

I have to say one of the best feelings in the world is getting home from a nice day at work and, after removing your coat, shoes and socks and slipping into some slippers, but prior to sitting down for dinner or tv or to a book, is the feeling of unbuckling your belt and unbuttoning the top button on your pants and unzipping your fly to about halfway and just relaxing. No more snug waist to get in the way of your lounge. Sometimes you get home from work but may need to go back out, to see a movie or to go shopping or to a bar and grill so there’s no point in getting home and changing into sweats to only have to change back into a decent pair of pants an hour later – that’s just way too much work. Just loosen the fly. The half-zipped zipper is loose enough for comfort but just tight enough around your hips to be able to walk without holding your pants up. I’m telling you, ladies and gentlemen, you’ll instantly feel like your sitting with your friends around a campfire after a long day of doing whatever it is you all had been doing while camping. It’s a must. And by no means is it inappropriate. Even if you have a roommate who may find this distasteful you can just untuck your shirt so it hangs over your fly and they’ll never be the wiser. Home is where your rump rests, and when you’re resting in your home you should be comfortable. That’s my $.02. Cheers.

Brace for impact...

(The blue only stretches back to Ohio...)

Snow began falling about 2 hours ago. This could get ugly. Some sources say this could be up to 24" Yikes. I'm bringing a sleeping bag to the office just in case, I'm not confident in the Blue Bird's ability to fly home in this. For up to the minute radar check the Weather Underground, endorsed by President Barack Obama and the best source for weather on the "internet."

HAH, as I'm writing this the mail truck just went by. Usually we get our mail delievered in the 2-5pm range..."The U.S. Postal Service: If sleet, snow or freezing rain are scheduled, we'll just deliver early and get the hell home." Now I'm nervous, if the Postal Service is altering their schedule then we're about to get shit on. Stay tuned...cheers.

On shoes and Sandwiches...

Picked out last years' Ascis Cumulus' for some new kicks. perhaps this is the final step I need to take to actually begin the exercise regimen I planned to start just about a month ago...but I'm not losing sleep over it. Actually I'm getting more sleep, because the past week and a half I haven't bothered to set my alarm early to make an attempt to get up and get to work early so I have time to sweat. Maybe tomorrow will be the day...stay tuned.

I got these on sale. It was the 2nd time I had been in to try them on. Both times the were on sale and both times I tried to talk the manager down in price and both times I was rejected. Olympia Sports apparently are sticklers for price tags. No overriding prices here. I'm happy with them thus far; they feel fairly light and are well-cushioned, the latter my fat ass will need a lot of to come back into shape. I am, however, nervous about how the toe box doesn't have a lot of support on top. I hope my toesies don't slide around. I just plan to jog straight, so we'll see how things shake out. I had been a Trainer's guy in the past, in fact the pair I've been wearing recently to work out I picked up in 2005 and are just flat busted. I guess it was time for a change.

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And because I was at the Lewiston Mall it goes without saying I swung into Bull Moose to stroll around the racks. It also goes without saying I came out with some new (to me) CD's. The new Boss cd was up front and they sucked me in with "Including bonus track: 'The Wrestler.' " O really, fool? Don't threaten me with a good time. That, and it was marked a third off so I really couldn't pass it up. It's back with the E-Street band; I'm really hoping it's a lot more Devils and Dust than The Rising. We shall see.

Also went with some older goodies, Tom Waits' Closing Time from 1973 and Warren Zevon's eponymous album from '76. I had a shitty quality .mp3 Closing Time but wanted to upgrade for awhile now. It's very, very, very good. He's not incredibly well-known but a lot of his songs have been covered by some big time acts, the most recent I can think of is Robert Plant & Alison Krauss covering "Trampled Rose" (Raising Sand by these two is another great CD...). This was his first album with a major label, he got pretty experimental and dark in his later stuff and I'm not a huge fan of that but his early stuff is just great.
Warren Zevon was really the Z-man's breakout album; it has some of my absolute favorites of all time. He's just an incredibly gifted songwriter and I suggest you look closely at his entire body of work. His cynical tone and sharp lyrics always make you think. He wanted to be a rock star and succeeded living the life until his untimely demise. He did it for himself, and that's why he is still so beloved and respected within the music industry. Enjoy every sandwich, sir.

I could pass up neither. Cheers.

Useless information...or not!

So today I had to take CPR and first aid recertification so that I could be be of service if one of my student-athletes gets hurt at practice. Now when I see someone go down and I yell, "Trainer," I'll know what I should be doing if it wasn't the training staff's responsibility to deal with these hurt and injured folks. Let me tell you, these 5 hours of class really made my Monday.

Anyways, I thought the woman who taught the class provided me with some useless trivia concerning the Lifesaver's candy company which I could pull out for the amusement of others the next time I came upon a pack of these delicious, sugary treats. According to this middle-aged woman with a who had a pretty significant background with the American Red Cross, Lifesavers were named because the hole in the middle was supposed to stop people from choking on them. I thought it was an interesting claim, but I have to say I was a bit skeptical (Me, skeptical? Shocking, right?). There's no guarantee the 'saver gets lodged in your esophagus with the hole in the middle allowing airflow, what if it's sideways? It doesn't take much girth or width to choke people, does it?

I didn't call her on it, mainly because I just wanted to get the hell out of the class. I decided to wait until I got home and then refer to Wikipedia. The most trusted name in news... And Wikipedia refeutes this claim as an urban legend. And I trust Wiki on this one. Just my gut. Wiki claims:

"In 1912, chocolate manufacturer Clarence Crane of Garretsville, Ohio invented Life Savers as a "summer candy" that could withstand heat better than chocolate. Since the mints looked like miniature life preservers, he called them Life Savers."

They go on to claim the anti-choking design is an urban legend predicated on a rumor Crane's daughter died by choking on a hard candy and it's design was to present further casualties from terrorist hard candies who go rouge. Intriguing, but it doesn't seem as though anyone has attempted to examine the family history of Clarence Crane in any detail so I will leave the door open for this possibility. This look inside this myth of pop culture lore, however, made me question of of my own widely held random factoids: That Dave Thomas made Wendy's hamburgers square because his foster grandmother told him never to cut corners.

Before I continue I just have to say that if I'm going to eat fast food, I very much like Wendy's. Junior Bacon Chee for $.99? That's like stealing. Just glorious on the tastebuds. And who doesn't like a Frosty? Lactose intolerant and those who are allergic to artificial colors, those are who, but more often than not the lactose intolerant will take a bellyache for the joy of such a tasty creation. But I digress, and wondered, "Have I been spreading lies to you all for the past 10 years?"

The answer is a (moderately) resounding NO, I HAVE NOT! I saw this on a tv show (probably on the Food Network or the History Channel) but I have forgotten exactly where and when as the years have passed. It's like you don't remember when you learned that in 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue, but you know it's true. This is how I've felt about my Wendy's story. But this innacuracy inspired me to scour the "internet" for substance and I was able to piece together some information to corroborate my story, it lies below. First, from Dave's Wiki article:

"He would become a well-known advocate for adoption, founding the Dave Thomas Foundation For Adoption in 1992. At a young age, he spent much time with his grandmother Minnie Sinclair, whom he credits with teaching him the importance of service and treating others well and with respect, lessons that helped him in his future business life"

Now, from Dave's Biography on the Wendy's site:

"Dave revolutionized the industry in other ways as well. Wendy’s became known for fresh (not frozen) ground beef hamburgers that are square rather than round. Dave explained, “At Wendy’s, we don’t cut corners!” ...When you passionately believe in quality, as Dave did, it becomes part of your everyday life – in how you work; how you treat your customers and your staff; and how you live your personal life."

You may not see the corollary, But I do. His Grandma taught him his values and these values created his attitude not to cut corners. This lead to him not cutting the corners on his burgers. The rest is history. And truth. A to B to C. Not B to S.

(Editor's Note...I searched the "internet" far and wide for a "don't cut corners" quote involving Dave's grandmother for close to an hour before finally just fudging together the "a to b to c" humor because I couldn't find the frigging thing...Then, no lie, 5 minutes after I threw this post up I found: "The greatest lesson she taught me: Don't cut corners on quality." - Dave Thomas, on lessons from his grandmother. So puke a strike through the "moderately" included in paragraph five and give me some love. Who tells the truth? Two thumbs...this guy.)

Now some random Dave and Wendy's trivia:

-Before opening Wendy's he is credited with saving Kentucky Fried Chicken and revolutionizing the fast food industry by simplifying its menu. At the time Dave came on board there was an excessive number of items on the menu (possibly more than one hundred). Working with KFC founder Col. Sanders Thomas stripped the menu down to just the basic fried chicken and salads.

-Dave was a member of the Freemasons and a Shriner. He was also an honoray Kentucky Colonel.

-Other fast food innovations he added to Wendy's which were picked up by other chains include the pick up window as we know it today and, equally important, the first fixed-price value menu.

-The Guinness World Records™ recognized the Dave Thomas Campaign as the “Longest Running Television Advertising Campaign Starring a Company Founder" for his nearly 13-year run (and 800+ commercials) as Wendy’s spokesman.

-In 1990, President G.H.W. Bush asked Dave to head the White House Initiative on Adoption.

-Dave's favorite "gourmet" (Wendy's words, not mine. Quotes added to highlight the unintentional comedy) meal was a Wendy’s Single with cheese, mustard, pickle and onion, fries, bowl of chili, a Frosty and a diet Coke.

The Wendy's nutrition facts site tells me this meal is approximately 1280 calories (the burger with aforementioned items, then small chili, frosty and fries because sizes didn't get huge until long after Dave opened Wendy's so for this projection I'll give him the benefit of the doubt). Nice call on the diet coke though, right? But seriously, if you want to feel gross with some of the late night decisions you've made with a dollar menu follow these steps:

1. Click that little link a couple lines up
2. Plug in some food options you generally choose
3. Proceed to vomit into your nearest trash can.

Cheers to that...?

Shout out to Dixon…

Not to Juan Dixon…who may or may not still be playing basketball in the U.S. as a card-carrying member of the NBA or D-League or somewhere on the continent of Eurasia in Greece or Spain or Israel or some other basketball-playing location. This is praise for my favorite pencil, the only pencil I use and the best pencil on earth: The Dixon Ticonderoga #2HB. Made with premium cedar and black graphite they are unmatched for quality and durability. They sharpen well and resist breaking like none other. But what is most underrated about the Ticonderoga’s is their eraser. You know how if you leave a pencil for a year or so then you try to use it again after it’s been lying out the eraser is dryer than a cat’s tongue and they just make a big black mess on your paper? That doesn’t happen with the Ticonderoga. No mark, no leftover letters. Ever. Simply the best. I recommend you go out and buy a box today (or pick up a box from your office supply station if you have one of those in your workplace). Mechanical pencils and all other inferior woodies are for suckers.



For pens: get the Bic Classic Roundstic mediums, in black ink. Not blue. Be professional. They’re cheap yet dependable and last quite awhile. If I splurge or happen to find one lying around I’ll use a Precise V-ball, too, but I don’t trust those in the ruler pocket of my pants. I think they may break accidentally when I sit down and ruin my pants. I don’t have many pairs of pants (read: three) I wear regularly so this would be a significant casualty. Roundstic’s have some good flex to them. Perfect for a mid-leg pocket. The roundstics are also nice because you can hook them in the neck of a polo for safekeeping and the cap is sturdy enough to stay on the pen. This comes in handy when you don’t have a ruler pocket to safely hold a writing implement. You’ll never catch me with a pen (or pencil for that matter) in a side-seam pocket. I think George Costanza is right; it is certainly possible to puncture a scrotum in a freak pen-in-the-side-seam-pocket accident. I’ll always play it safe.

Cheers.

I want to apologize...

...for swearing so much in some of my more recent posts. I've been trying to clean up my salty language in the recent months, especially now that I have to maintain a certain level of professionalism again at the office, but sometimes I drift in and out in my free time. Only when things grind my gears. So, mainly the federal government. And hangnails. And running out of gas (which happened 2 weeks ago but I never got around to writing about it. It was pretty amusing...not!). But I'll try to keep it clean on here from now on. Any degenerate can cuss left and right and up and down a page but, to be honest, I don't believe profanity is a very good way of getting your point across. I think it was George Carlin that made millions of dollars awhile ago by stating the many different ways the word "fuck" can be used. With so many meanings it just doesn't seem an effective adjective. My color from here on will (hopefully) be due to vividness and pointed description, not due to four letter words. Cheers.

Get rid of the UNRATED!!!!! Hoopla...

This unrated DVD release crap has just gotten ridiculous. Actually it’s more than ridiculous. It’s ridonkulous. Camps, Corm, Welch and I watched Max Payne UNRATED!!!!!!(exclamation points added for demeaning emphasis, obviously…) Saturday night upon my return from Waltham, MA, and all of us came to the same conclusion…what the hell was so wild and crazy that the silly US ratings board would have objected to being in a theatre. Granted, this was a PG-13 release which is just dumb, in my opinion. Any movie that is premised upon a video game where you’re continually busting caps into people has no business being rated pg-13. Clever marketing ploy, production company…

Obviously the movie sucked donkey balls. Mark Wahlberg hasn’t been in a good role involving a gun (Not counting Boogie Nights, where he was packing the whole movie. Heh. I’ve got jokes, let me tell you…) since The Big Hit, where he plays a hitman with a conscience and he’s supposed to not be taken seriously. Granted, in this case he was given a script of absolute garbage. But I’m losing focus, back to the issue of the unrated-ness. The preview shows hot women, one of them removing her tiny ass dress providing an above average backside and no bra to speak of. HOW CAN YOU NOT SHOW BOOBIES IF YOU HAVE THAT IN THE PREVIEW FOR AN UNRATED MOVIE?!?!?!?! Come on, fellas. That’s just pathetic. Be honest. They lead you in with this short red-dressed character (I don’t remember her name. Some no name who SHOULD be looking to get topless to jump start her “career”) walking away from Marky-Mark, taking off her dress over her head while heading into his bedroom. A hush falls among the four of us, anxious to see how they present her. “On the bed? I hope she’s topless on the bed; that would be nice. She’s on the bed, niiic…WHAT THE SHIT? SHE’S GOT THE COVERS OVER HER CHEST?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! WHAT, WAIT?! NOW SHE’S LEAVING?! WE’RE ONLY SEEING HER BACK AGAIN?!?!? wait … that’s it? that’s all? I already thought this movie sucked. Now I demand the previous 30 and the next 70 minutes of my life back…” It went something like that in my head…

A 16 second tease is all you need. It sucks. Don’t waste your time on Max Payne, Unrated(!!!!!!) or otherwise. It does not have one, single redeeming quality. The Wrestler, however, has gratuitous nudity courtesy of the feisty, free-spirited, risk-taker Marisa Tomei. More actresses should be so dedicated to their craft…Cheers.

Here we go again...

Meant to get this up last week but obviously needed the fine video of the speech. My good friend and former boos Jeffrey Haggerty presented me with an 18"x24" The Wrestler poster and it just brought all these warm feelings back into my belly. It will look lovely when framed on my wall...
But anyway Mickey Rourke won the Golden Globe for Best Actor and just received his Oscar nomination this week. It was well deserved, as I've said all along. Great speech, too. The guy just gets it, he's a lucky one and is gracious and thankful just to have gotten another shot.

Though I was a little depressed the film itself didn't garner a nomination I was much more unhappy to find out Springsteen's song from the movie got no love for Best Song. Two songs from Slumdog and one from Wall-E and that's it?! Three Flipping songs? Get real. Give me five and show me you're alive. Because I didn't post Rourke's speech last week I was able to stumble upon Spreegsteen's song in the meantime so I've felt the need to include it below. This is a serious bootleg clip straight out of Asia. The quality is just OK but it is by far the best compliation on youtube featuring the song. This brought it all back to me; chances are I'll be in Portland on Sunday at the Nickelodeon if anyone from town is interested.

One of these day's I'll get off of this Wrestler kick. Let me apologize to those who I bore with this line of discussion. But, seriously this is a quality flick. I'll tell you a story next time or something but that probably won't be until Sunday. Cheers.

I am a slug...

So I played racquetball for the first time this year...and let's just say it did not go well. I have figured a few things out about my not-so-active lifestyle that should probably be remedied. One major thing is I don't fall as well as I used to. Back in the heyday of my racquetball career (about this time last year) I was covering the court like a cat. I was everywhere and floorburns were my middle name. I was laying out then hopping right back up to keep playing and get position back on the T. Today...let's just say I fell like a rock into a lake. I landed hard and was never seen from again. And even with my fat ass breaking my fall it was not fun. These weren't layout falls. These suckers were just unathletic, tired, lost balance flops where I landed flat on my tookus with abosulutely no opportunity to recover.

2nd, I couldn't hit the ball for shit today. I don't know if I need a new contact prescription or what but I couldn't return a jacket to LL Bean today. Strike one! Strike two! Strike three! Strike...shit, you get the point. It was pathetic. I played four games today and scored 16 point. Total. In case you're a racquetball novice games go to 15. I was beaten 15-7, 15-1 (Ya, awful...), 15-4, 15-5. If it was a fight they would have stopped it. If it was a horse they would have shot it. U-G-L-Y.

But I will not be defeated so easily. I will rally. This too shall pass. I will buy a new pair of sneakers tomorrow and my $70 investment will force me to get my act together. Because the only thing worse than a day wasted is money wasted. Write that down. TODAY IS THE DAY. You will see me on a bike by 9:00am Friday morning. Actually make it 10...tomorrow is going to be a slow news day so filling myday with exercise is better than filling it surfing the "internet." Cheers.

I need your help...

And this is important. I need a new book to read. I'm looking for something funny, but not stupid. Think: witty. And Kathy: David Sedaris sucks. I could only make it 75 pages in Barrel Fever before I gave up. It was about absolutely nothing...

My last 4 reads were Three Cups of Tea about a guy who liked to climb mountains but then almost died on one so decided to build schools in the Himalaya. It was well reviewed by critics and well-received by me. Then I read The Winter of our Discontents by John Steinbeck. It took me awhile but I plugged through it and found it clever and amusing. It was a later work so it was a little bit more refined and to the point than some of his earlier stuff. It was also not set in the Salinas valley but rather in coastal New York...I think, it very well could have been New England I do not recall. But, it was good. Into Thin Air wasn't that impressive. You know the outcome. People fucked up. Hindsight tells me I didn't need 300 pages to tell me that. Such is life. Then just finished The Year of Living Biblically about a guy who tries to live according to the Bible for 12 months. He's an agnostic Jew and spends 9 months in the Old Testament lifestyle and then his last 3 more focused on the Good News. It's rather amusing and learned a little bit more Bible. The Bible fascinates me but I've already tried (very unsuccessfully) to read it. I'd fall asleep at every mention of "A" beget "B" who beget "C" and so on down the line for 3 columns in size 6 font. Painful. Maybe in the mean time I'll skip Genesis and go from there...

I think I've already recommended this but if you are looking for a good book and are mildly interested in music read Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself to Live:85% of a True Story (This actually came while I was reading the Steinbeck book, but I pounded through this one in 2 days and then proceeded to forget all about it until now). It's very, very good (Shit, I did mention this already because I said this blog would get many more hits if I was actually a margainally talented writer like he is. Darn). Well, consider this my offering, in exchange for your suggestions. If it's good I'll massage your feet. If it's lousy I won't worry about it, as I've said my choices are not always spot-on.

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Also, I don't care if you've never heard much of them but the next time your at a music store (read: Bull Moose or some other store that sells used cd's. FYE or whatever the hell that store is can piss up a rope if they think I'm paying seventeen bones for a cd in this economy.) buy The Black Crowes' Three Snakes and One Charm. Heavy blues riffs, solid lyrics. 12 songs of quality. Spans all ranges of music from heartfelt unrequitted-love ballads to fun songs you could listen to while imbibing in your favorite spirit. You should expect nothing less from "The Most Rock & Roll Rock & Roll Band of All Time (their quote, not mine...but I think it's pretty true)..."

Bull Moose usually has it for $3 used. That's where I found it. Short story: I had heard of The Black Crowes but had never "heard them" (you know? Like, you remember one or two of their songs? Like finally putting a name with a face...) until this past spring. Wandering through Bull Moose I said to myself "I've heard of these Black Crowes, Let me see the cd's they have in stock here." Three Snakes and One Charm was the only used one they had that day, for $2.98. I purchased said cd and it is now solidly in my top 7 cd's and convinced me to buy four other Crowes cd's as used ones have crossed in front of my path. All are good, but something about your first holds a memory in your head that continually captures your heart. Kind of like your first love. And the first time you had celery sticks with peanut butter AND raisins on them. Those are ants on a log. Brilliant.

But I told you that story to tell you this story: Buy Three Snakes and One Charm (used...) and you will not regret your decision. It's that good (Under a Mountain and Girl from a Pawnshop are personal fav's...). Girl From a Pawnshop bootleg video courtesy of youtube for your viewing and listening pleasure is provided free of charge below. I may or may not like these fellers just because Chris Robinson rocks some sick flow (which I had and want again) and a thick beard (which I've never had, never will, but always will want for...)...

Cheers.

Inaguration hoopla? More like horseshit...

Hey, Federal Government...I know we're ushering in the party notorious for big spending but $170 million on the god damn inauguration? Are you kidding me? We're in a recession for christsakes. Cut the Shit. So much for trimming the fat with a scalpel. Seriously, hearing that number made me want to puke. The Democrat will say this was actually a good thing because a lot of the money went to wages for blue collar folks involved in the set up, police and fire support, and was a boon to the tourism industry...but the cheap bastard in me says those same fuckers are guaranteed a 40 hour week. The excess which was on display the last 4 days sickens me.

And why the fuck did I have to watch an interview with Bono Sunday night talking about our inauguration...The guy's from Ireland or Scotland or some other island that I'm pretty sure isn't included in the 50 + Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands. Stick to raising money for micronesia and Africa and leave America alone. I don't like you, nobody else does. The only good thing about you was you had a filthy mullet in the 80's but that was 20 years ago. You're useless. You, sir (and I use the term loosely), are not Bill Gates.

But seriously people, this is the party of change? I missed the memo the change those donkeys (literally. HA. HA.) were talking about spending MORE FUCKING MONEY THAN WE HAVE THE PAST 8 YEARS. $45 million is coming from donors...which doesn't leave more than, oh, $125 FUCKING MILLION TO GET PICKED UP BY THE FED. And I voted for this shit. Fuck me. You have my permission to punch me in the face the next time you see me. Makes me want to puke. No cheers tonight, just jeers. Dammit.