Dam You, GMC...

This has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks but I haven’t been able to find it on youtube so I can embed the video with it. But I’m sure you’ve all seen the new GMC commercial by now that shows compares the new GMC Sierra to the construction of a big dam (probably the Hoover dam. I’m pretty sure it is but I’m no expert). The voiceover is something along the lines of “You didn’t think building this big dam was possible, but we’re AMERICANS and we did it! Buy this American truck that is full of good ol’ American craftsmanship, too (emphasis added, obviously because the commercial doesn’t actually say any of that…But it’s implied. Trust me).”

Yes…I want to buy a truck that compares itself to a concrete monstrosity which has crippled an ecosystem for 1000 miles below the dam to make some god damn electricity for posh skiers in their Vail condos and the filthy Vegas strip and every other building of excess in that region. Who cares about sustainability below the dam? We’ve got enough electricity to run 7 flat screen TV’s and a washing machine in our house all at once! Oh, there’s a desert below? And the Colorado River was about the only source of water in the region? And this dam will cut the flow significantly all the way down to barely a trickle whereas it used to steamroll all the way to Mexico? And wait, there used to be fish in the river? Tough shit.

Nice work, GMC. Fuck you and your bailout money you bunch of fucking donkeys. Look for this ad at least 3 times during the Superbowl and at least a half dozen times during other sporting event. And I hope we collectively flip the bird to our respective television sets with each airing. Spread the word. Cheers.

Waxing on various sports

How much do the Celtics just not respect the Suns? Starting Scal...hah. that just made me laugh. And how about Scal with his two missed 3's in the first half with the clock winding down...and no benching. Everyone is just feeding his ego. Classic, really.

Second, am I glad Anquan Boldin sucked it up during the season and just caught the damn ball. I rode his 12 game stretch (not including the two games when he was out with a BROKEN FACE. Only two games? Nails) of huge weeks all the way to the bizzank. So of course now that the playoffs have come he goes all pouty face and acts like a little crybaby even while they're winning ballgames. If the speculation is true that my G-men are targetting him to replace Plax I will say, "Hell Yes." G's in '10, BABAY (That's with or without AQ, the Giants are a force, you all know that)!!!

Third and last, kudos to the lesser known New York football franchise for giving Rex Ryan the reigns at Jet central. This guy is legit and expect big things if he tells Brett Farve to go fuck himself. He'll bring in a solid offensive mind and watch for an even more exciting AFC East next year with Brady's knee still in a brace and Matt Cassel heading back to Earth (he'll still be around the Pats have enough cap flexibility to keep both QB's, it just makes sense.

I said last already but I can't sign off without giving props to Claud Lemeiux making it back to the league, too. Guy's 43 and just loves hockey. I respect it, but hockey players are tied with lax players for "most disgusting human beings on the planet." 1 and 1a. Put all those fuckers on an island. A cold island, though, so hockey games can still be televised. Cheers.

Sandwich Tip

So here I was an hour ago saying I hate to blog from work because I feel guilty about not working and now I'm blogging from work. The truth of the matter is I got kicked out of my office where all the work I should be doing is located so this time I don't feel guilty about getting some good info out to all who care to read and follow some simple instructions. This is a good sandwich tip. Applicable for either wraps or traditional two(or three if you're a crazy club-sandwich kind of a person. I'm not, far to much bread for my liking even with thin slices)-slice bread sandwiches.

Romaine Lettuce. That's the secret ingredient to eggsaronious. but the romaine has to be used correctly. Take your wrap/bread slices and line with some nice, thick, crisp leaves of romaine. Iceberg is for suckers. Then place your meat and/or condiments on the lettuce, not on the wrap/bread outer! The hearty lettuce contains the moisture allowing you to have fresh bread, rather than soggy bread. I've been using this for quite some time, but today I put a healthy dollop of hummus in the turkey wrap I made last night which I'm consuming right now prior to practice. The hummus was contained within the lettuce with great success and I thought I should share that with you. fresh bread tastes better. So do sandwiches with condiments. Write that down. cheers.

Headline News

I don’t usually read the news because I’m lazy and figure I can pick up enough of the goings-on via word of mouth or that newfangled internet, but I happened to pick up the Sun Journal sports page on Saturday morning. A few of us had planned to return to Edward Little High School and catch the 2^nd half of the basketball game there but by the time we made it across town cars were rolling away and our plans were forced to change. So I was interested to see if they had played well or not. The front page said they won by about 30, so I flipped through to the sports section to read about how this occurred and who they played and saw the headline: “EDDIES BOIL WITCHES.” I don’t know why but I just found this to be pretty inappropriate.

Well, actually I do know why and I’m going to tell you right now…maybe because there weren’t any real witches, just hysteria created by wormshit little 17^th century girls in Puritan New England villages which caused 20 or so people to be killed. Real cool. And boiling was a torture device used to force the accused to confess their wicked ways and discovered God before they were hanged or shot or burned to death at the stake. Really cool. Religion is great (don’t worry, I’m not about to go down that road. If you like God or Jesus or G-d or Mohammed or Vishnu or any of the dillion others that’s your business, not mine)… So kudos to the S-J for thinking that headline was PC. Newsflash: NOT EVERYONE IN THE U.S. IS CHRISTIAN…AS “SCARY” AS IT IS SOME PEOPLE ARE EVEN ::GASP:: AGNOSTICS OR ATHEISTS AND DON’T BELIEVE IN REGILION AT ALL…This again just points out the blatant Judeo-Christian bias present in this country, which trickles from the Federal Government on down to municipal governments and workplaces and even homes. Free exercise my ass. While Wicca’s don’t generally consider themselves witches I’m sure that headline is not something which they’d like to begin their Saturday with especially with all the other backhanded shit I’m sure they take on a regular basis.

I apologize for the mini rant but this is just a pretty big pet peeve of mine. Be happy the holiday season is over or I could go on for hours. The city councilors who put out “holiday” trees and “multi-faith” decorations can go piss up a rope. Christmas should not be a federal holiday. If you choose to not open your business on a given day that is…your business. That’s what you have personal days for, too. Sorry this has been a tangent but government interference on this shit just grinds my gears. Anyways to conclude, Randy Whitehouse and S-J editors: clean it up.

p.s. I wrote this on Sunday without internet and then forgot to post it this morning when I got into the office. I keep a strict separation between work and blogging. I'll get it up earlier next time. cheers.

Thoughts & Prayers...

Please send your thoughts and prayers to Shawn and his family as they are going through an unbelievably hard time right now. Your support and love is greatly appreciated.

This will be posted on Facebook shortly, but to alert the few people who read this regularly services for Andrew are listed below:

The wake is being held on Friday, January 16 at Pinette & Lynch Funeral Home in Lewiston. The address is 305 Alfred Plourde Parkway in Lewiston. This is to the left of Lisbon St headed out of town, in between Lisbon St. and Webster St. Viewings are from 2pm-4pm and 6pm-8pm.

Saturday a service will be held at the Universalist church on Spring St. in Auburn beginning at 1pm. This is right across from the Dairy Joy, near the Hannaford Bros. I'm pretty sure there is limited parking at this location so please try to spread the word to carpool; the Mechanics Bank parking lot could also be used as they are closed on Saturday.

If anyone has any questions please feel free to call me 207-333-0160. Love to Tammy, Jeff, Shawn, & family.

Back to Fantasy...

So up until now I don't think I've seen a Titans game all year. But when Chris Johnson scored a TD to factor into his huge first half I remembered why I enjoyed having him on my fantasy team so much. He's impressive to watch and I wish I had seen more of him other than highlights and a two digit number in my fantasy scoresheet every week. He's a stud and is faster than most other folks, even by NFL standards. This game is pissing me off because I hate Ray Lewis. Ed Reed is the man but my hatred for Ray Lewis trumps my Ed Reed mancrush. Anyway Chris Johnson and LenDale White (I had both of them to carry me to the playoffs then dumped them when they went into cruise mode once they clinched. Revisionist history I know and it's not like I would have won if I kept them, but this fabrication helps me sleep at night) had a pretty neat choreographed handshake on the sideline following CJ's aforementioned touchdown but (of course...) I can't find any goddamn video of it. CBS is a horseshit network (or no one else was impressed. I'm hoping it was the former, though. I really thought it was good) The best I can do is the picture above. Go Titans, boo Ray Lewis. Cheers.

End of an era...

At 8:42 this morning a gentleman from West Gardiner came with a trailer to take my horse to the glue factory. Yes. this morning I traded almost 8 years of memories with the Red Dragon for $800 cash money. It was time. If this doesn't demonstrate my biggest New Years resolution I don't know what does. I have resolved to cut the fat (double entendre implied). This is a goal I've had for awhile: to trim away the clutter and things I really don't need. Clothes I don't wear, gone. Paintball gun I bought in high school for no good reason (like 1785 other dumbass purchases I've made over the years...), hello pawn shop. Get the shit out of here. Those of you who know my collection of crap just ask and it's probably yours. Except books. I like books. If you view this in the 100 things challenge sort of a way (which I don't...) "books" would be considered one thing. I could own a goddamn library and not feel bad about it, that's just the way I am. But if you'd like to borrow a book by all means just ask me (except for Jenn who has had my copy of Beloved for about 10 months now...I'd like that back if you ever stop working for 15 seconds and read this...). This isn't Barack with a scalpel; This is Matt with a hatchet. Watch out.

But this cut the fat is not just related to objects. I'd like to actually get in better shape, not just say that I want to (see, double entendre...I don't lie). Hell, I'm even planning to get to the office early on Monday so I can make sure I get a workout in. I've already cut back on my alcohol intake (Sorry but I'm not going stupid like I did in college when I didn't drink from November thru the middle of May for track. That was just silliness). I got a water (A WATER!) after I had two beers at Gipper's last night. If I had ordered a bottled water it probably would have been more expensive than the 32oz Buds I had (And thanks to the waitstaff at Gippers who have accepted my blatant cheapness with open arms. Last night I arrived at 8:55 and Mel didn't come to take our order until 8:59 and 57 seconds. I've turned her away before one time when I got there at 8:40. I am pathetic.). But it's pretty much everywhere. There's a lot in life that just doesn't matter. My goal is to make that stuff truly not matter to me. CUT IT OUT!

I also resolve to get back to my staunch support of oral hygenie. I've always been an avid tooth brusher, but I've never really liked to floss. I also hate dentists. I haven't been in nearly 4 years (I think, it very well could be 5 I'm not sure). But this year I plan to say hello to a dental hygenist and get a good scrubbing. I've also been flossing at least daily, sometimes twice. I like the feeling of breathing through my teeth. It's neat. I have a little bottle of Listerine on my desk so I can freshen up after lunch. Gingivitis, I'm coming for you.

This was really just to distract myself from my decision to sell the Jeep. Robert Plant once said "Good times, bad times, you know I've had my share." I find this to be very appropriate for my baby and I. Though it was much more good than bad. She's been a close friend for almost 8 years, along with you few other close friends. We've been famous in Freeport. We've been too sexy. We've played at EL in the snow. Countless good memories. It's seen my first date. It's been the CAP1 mobile for as long as I can remember. It's been me, and I've been it. I think we can all say it was quite a ride in that red rag top. And I won't stop, loving you. Cheers (and Nick I'm interested to hear your thoughts on The Wrestler. This movie has consumed my life...).

One more thing I forgot about The Wrestler...

...And I'll try to make this the last I write on this subject. The first is kudos to whoever got Tony Atlas to help with the wrestling aspects of the movie. He was by no means the only person listed but that guys been around forever and it's good to hear he's still very well respected within the sport. An L/A legend who was big time in the 80's when pro wrestling was king. Held the Tag Team belt a couple of times. And who fell just about as hard as The Ram but is still smiling and loving life for all it's worth. When I was actually having to shop for myself last year I'd see Tony in the Hannaford Bros. on Spring St. in Auburn at least once a month. A lot of times on Tuesdays when I would walk over from Beal's while my laundry was drying. Any rate, just an absolute great guy and I guarantee you'd hear the same thing from anyone else who's met him. Just a class act.

So if you know Tony then go see The Wrestler. Make it happen. Cheers.

Watch out for the Electricity Vultures!

Spread the word. I've known about this for a couple few years but I don't think I mention it enough. Turning off your computer at night (and any other time it doesn't need to be on for long periods) is not enough. Standby modes on monitors, cpu's and other electronics continue to suck current even when you think they are off. Turn off your surge protectors or unplug these devices altogether when they are not in use, pre-programmed settings be damned.
And break down and by some goddamn CFL bulbs next time. They cost as much as a friggin' six pack, it's really not too much to ask. Even better than that turn off the switch when you're not in the room, and use task lighting not fixtures that have multiple bulbs when you're only looking to read. Write all that down and implement it into your daily lives.

Snowed and shitted sleet and ice all day up here but supposedly the mountains are getting 10-12". We were supposed to get 3-6" and got about 1.5" and it switched form snow around 11am so all I have to say is that Joe Cupo is full of shit. Driving wasn't bad, but I give it a 0 on a 1-10 ranking because that's how many snowballs I was able to make today. Cheers (and sorry for the potty mouth. I don't know what came over me, I've tried to be better than that lately).

Fiesta Bowl Update...

The UTexas band's choice for their halftime performance in the Fiesta Bowl? Led Zep...Black Dog into Stairway...what the deuce? I guess I should be happy, I thought Drumline was a shitty movie (Though my favorite school band moment came while attending the UVA-VaTech game when their respective percussionists were battling at halftime. The UVA guys partner rolled over one another while playing their drums and prceded to "win" the battle...though it was not a neutral site. It was neat). Here's to hoping the Oklahoma band pulls out some Toby Keith at halftime for the BCS title game...

And you all should of stayed up for the end of the game; it was a mighty exciting finish. I neither like nor dislike either of these teams, but at least it was an entertaining game (I know the post will say 10:something pm but that was when I posted the UTexas band factoid, which is still messing with my head. It's now 11:57pm, trust me on that).

Also, I don't read The Onion often but through my random clicks on wikipedia, amazon.com and AJ Jacobs' (author of my next read, The Know-It-All) personal website and blog I ended up there and feel this is a fitting little post related to my living situation. I laughed, I don't really care if you laugh. cheers.

Monday morning thoughts

This is stuff left over from the past weekend. I was going to have a very productive day today. Then I didn't. So it goes. Anyhow...

Slash does the guitar background throughout The Wrestler. I saw that in the ending credits. Another reason why the movie is strong and why you should go see it.

As I start I've realized (again this morning, for the 1007th time) that I need to get one of those voice recorders that records what you say and then you can plug it into a usb and download it to your computer as an .mp3. I may just be making up the fact that these exist but I'm a two (or three) finger (I have an itchy right pinkie that sneaks into the fold every now and again) typer so my wandering mind can't keep up with my (obviously shitty) typing ability. Just thought you'd all like to know that. Feel sorry for me knowing now I had to write my thesis using only 20% of my hands (actually, don't. It was only 19 pages before charts and appendicies for an 8 month output of 31 total pages. You should respect me for somehow graduating.) But when this technology comes into my hands watch out.

If you want to know how I'd like to write if I was creative and lingustically savvy then read Chuck Klosterman. I finally found one of his books (Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story) at the Auburn Public Library and was very impressed. Seemlessly relates his life to cheesy musical and pop culture references like I can only dream about. For the past 3 days when I think about random factoids from my life I think, "What would Chuck have to say in this instance?" only to immediately decide if I wrote anything like that I'd be a unoriginal fraud and then I give up.

Which brings me to another point: Does anyone else feel like the window of originality is closing by the second? I mean with the internet as it is and information is everywhere how long is it going to take before everything has been said? I mean, everything. For all I know this has already been said. Am I original right now or just a no good hack repeater? Or am I just trying to find an excuse to veil my laziness? This shit bugs me (But it's probably the last one. Damn.)...

Student loans are the bane of my existence. I'm just realizing this as I'm getting paid Thursday and this means another big hunk of dough immediately exits my account mere hours after it enters. For you cake eaters out there consider yourslef lucky. For the common folks I feel your pain. I guess student loans aren't the bane of my existence, but rather credit in general. If I catch that disease (myfunsarelow) then I don't really need whatever it is I am wanting at that particular time. Other than a mortgage for a house I don't see myself buying anything on credit. Ever. Call me crazy. Call me a clown. But I just don't want to deal with it. I call it a savings account.

I'll leave you with one last thing about The Wrestler and this is absolute genius on the writer's part. And I'm not going to give it away. But just think for a second the way a 1980's wrestler could be enshrined forever but has gone out of style with advanced technologies while still holding strong amongst a cult following of college kids and those too broke to upgrade. Then picture "The Ram" added to this equation in all its glory. I'm sure this sounds cryptic but I don't want to give too much away (it was a throwback in 2000 we'd bring it back to life in Sloat's basement on the small screen) because if I say anything more it will be blatantly obvious. This might actually be my favorite part of the movie. Cheers.