Sunday, September 6, 2009

Jesus is back..

Or at least according to the Goose populous.  And I trust those people as "The People".  So I guess the flow is back and the beard is substantial enough to call it a day.  Well done, me (I've already inserted a self-back slap.  Don't worry about it..).

I don't know.  I don't really see it.  Maybe I don't see it because I kept my sandals at home tonight so I wasn't rocking the Jesus feet (I didn't come up with that jive talk, but I represent it like my own.  shhh.) around town this fine evening (It was cold and there was a possibility I was just going to sleep in my car.  Don't ask.  I wanted to try to act my age today..).

Maybe the Goose-goers saw it because I'm possessing olive-colored skin from my many weeks above the Earth on roofs, and I am what color they believed Jesus to have been.  Or maybe it was because I was offering up my body to anyone who would listen and turning water into wine for all to see on my barstool.  Perhaps I blacked out and 30 days in the desert happened (or whatever) to me tonight.  I don't know.  But I got a photo op all the same.

To be honest here, when someone requested a photo of me I thought it was because I was drop dead sexy.  This perception of myself lasted for about 90 minutes until I was traveling away from said Goose and someone yelled, "BYE, JESUS (They were actually yelling, so I had to use caps..)! all came together.  But the Jesus references had been few and far between for quite some time. It's been a significant cold streak, what with having to "shave" and "cut my hair" while employed by my former employer (Well, I'd start out my contract neat.  Let's just say, between us, that during March-May the proverbial "wheels" had a proverbial "tendency" to proverbial "fall off"..) It appears, however, that I'm well on my way to working myself back into the old comfort zone.

And to those of you who say I may end up in Hell for calling myself the incarnation of the 2nd coming, let me attack your attack with a multi-pronged attack:
1. I never said I was/am Jesus.  Those words were spoken by heathens and I chose to offer up conjectures to where they developed their blasphemous opinions.
2. If I'm headed to hell then everyone else at the Goose will be there waiting for me, and tonight was a pretty good time.  I could handle a pretty good time for eternal damnation.  
I guess I only had two prongs on my attack.  While two is still technically multi, it appears my attack is the useless fork that comes with all grilling accessory kits.  Don't use the fork to turn your steak.  Use the tongs.  The fork opens up the meat and releases the juices and delicious flavors  nobody likes that.  And if you've become irritated by my random Jesus blog then chances are you aren't ascending to Heaven anyways because your Christian and not you're not one of G-d's chosen people anyway.  Sorry, I didn't make the rules; they(Jews...duh!)'ve been around longer and possession (including possession of G-d) is 9/10 of the law.  

I apologize to anyone/everyone I offended.  It's been a long night.  Haha.  Cheers(!!! and Happy Labor Day?!).

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