Friday, March 5, 2010

On television schedules and leprechauns..

I'm finally starting to get the hang of the whole TV things out here.  It appears that, with the exception of live events like sports and award shows and that kind of happy horseshit that the times reset on the West Coast.  So, your average nightly television shows that are on at 8pm Eastern and 7pm Central will bump and be on at 8pm West Coast time.  So, instead of being a 5 hour difference and having to catch things at 3 or 4 pm or whatever I actually only encounter a 2 hour setback.  Here the Daily Show is on at 9pm Hawaiian, for example.  So that's pretty handy.  I can watch the good TV shows and NOT EVEN HAVE TO STAY UP LATE.  I'm not sure if national affiliates are the same way, though.  I know most of the news shows are on at 10pm and not 11pm.  Maybe I'll need to do more research to get to the bottom of it.  I don't have a remote control so I really don't change the channels much once I lie down.  It's very 1960 of me.  I'm a throwback..


Word to the wise: Don't drink and bike..

Made that mistake last night and it didn't seem to end well.  Well, in this particular case it did end well because I made it home...but most of the middle was pretty hairy.  I didn't work on Wednesday so I took a cruise down to Lahaina to hang out for the afternoon and happy hour Steve-weisers came calling.  Happy hour led to a cruise by Maui Brewing Company to see if they had the brewery open for a taste test.
Quick aside: This place is CRAZY.  I want to work there.  BADLY.  I may go in an apply.  Then drop in EVERY WEEK in hopes of landing a job there.  That'd be an OK place to work...Yeah...just OK..
They were not, however, open for a taste test but the fine gentlemen working took pity on me and my cohort and gave us a couple of dented cans to suck down.  Good folks.  So we had some Coconut Porter on a bench in front of Barnes & Noble.  Why?  Because it was a nice spot to sit and rest.  DON'T JUDGE ME - IT WAS MY DAY OFF.

As the sun was fairly close to setting as the last of the dark, deliciousy goodness slid down our pie holes it was decided cocktails on the beach were in order.  A bottle of James Beam's finest bourbon and some Coca-Cola and ice were purchased and away we went to the beach.  If you can't see where this is headed then you don't know me very well...because two hours later and about 2/3 of the bottle in my belly I realize I'm a little bit tipsy.  BOLLOCKS.  At this point I finnagled a ride north with some folks without my bike...but once I got north I decided I NEEDED to get my bike home that night, because I had to work at the ass crack of 11am Thursday.  Bourbon does funny things sometimes.  But problem solved: I hopped in with the same folks who drove me north to head back south to get my bike and ride home.  And, man: it sucks to crash your bike in the dark.  HAHA.

The wind was whipping and some hairs got in my face during the early stages of my ride so I went ahead and cleared my face...and it's funny, the next thing I knew I had done a couple of somersaults and I was lying in a sandy culvert.  Bloody toe and shins, cut up hand, bruised thigh and ego.  THE WORST.  And somewhere in that tumble I smashed my front brake and my chain fell off.  So I'm on the side of the road, disheveled, greased up, performing bike repairs on my piece of shit.  I'm ready to throw this bike in the ocean.  Yes, this time it was user error but earlier in the day my front tire went flat.  AGAIN.  And it's flat again.  THIS IS THE 6TH TIME MY TIRE HAS GONE FLAT.  MOTHER TRUCKER.

Now instead of going to Kahului tomorrow I'll be walking that sumbitch down to Lahaina to see stinky, fat, scam-artist Bob to get some new, NOT FUDGING DRY-ROTTED tires on that piece of ass to see if that does the trick.  I should get the front brake fixed, too...but that'll be a game time decision.  Long story short take my word for it and don't ride your bike after sucking down Jim Beam like it's iced tea.  Maybe I'll take my camera along to get a picture or two of the scene of the crime.  It was a short drop and a sudden stop, lemme tell ya..


Speaking of drinks now that I started working I  get all the free drinks I want while on the clock.  Not drink drinks, but drinks that down here would be expensive to buy just for shits.  Every day I have a couple big glasses of good-ass iced tea, and a big glass of chocolate milk.  Milk is expensive down here.  Like, really expensive.  Four dollars for a half gallon expensive.  So a 16oz choc-o milk is not just a great snack - when it's free it's a great VALUE.  I'd be doing myself a disservice NOT TO have a tall, cool glass of chocolate milk every day.  A cup of coffee is a nice pick me up, too.  It all adds up, I guess.

This is especially important for the next couple of weeks because I'm pretty sure, well, more than 99% sure, that trainees don't get tipped out on their training shifts.  So right now I'm sitting on a little over 30 hours worked thus $7/hr.  Zoinks!  This means I'll be picking up shifts like you read about as soon as I pass my GD test on Saturday morning.  Then I'll be having fun and making money, with aloha.  But for the time being I'm feeling like I just got kicked in the short and curlies.  I've actually tried to work hard during my training shifts...and not really for anything.  F.  Woe is me...woe. is. me.


Question for the audience:

Today I was heading home from work and a rainbow poked up.  There are legit rainbows out here, I don't really know why.  I'm sure it has to do with the angle of the dangle being driectly proportional to the heat of the meat or maybe just it's the way the sun hits the moisture that came form the clouds, but for whatever reason there are crazy rainbows out here.  Especially this week...BECAUSE IT'S RAINED EVERY DAY THIS WEEK.
Saturday: rained.  Sunday: rained HARD.  Monday: rained.  Tuesaday: rained.  Wednesday: rained.  Today: rained. Not all day but off and on showers the last four days.  Balls.  
But today there was one of those legit rainbows I just talked about a second ago.  A rainbow that you could see start and end.  It was a continuous rainbow.  But my question is this:
In the situation of a continuous rainbow...Which end of the rainbow has the pot of gold?  
There can't be two pots of gold.  That would just be silly.  So which end is it: the north end or the south end?  It's got to be one or the other and I could really use a pot of gold right now.  If you know, let me know.  Liam, you're Irish: WHAT'S THE DEAL, BRAH?

If only they could have found this little fella in Alabama, he probably could have been a big help for me..

To paraphrase a rotund gentleman that had some notoriety before he passed on: Gimme the flute!  Gimme the flute!  Cheers.

1 comment:

  1. The woman in the car sounds like Mitch Hedberg. Watched it three times, he's back. -a.