Monday, April 6, 2009

Answers to Collegian Queries/Comments

I like to think that I have a pretty good amount of useless information stocked up in my head, and thus from time to time I am asked some random ass questions. Last week one of these questions was asked and I had no idea so I went to sleuthing the "internet" to get to the bottom of this query: Jamie Lee Curtis...biologically male? Ya, welcome to my life. I wish Idiot Savants was still on MTV, I used to love that show. Now I like to think I could hold my own, I know I'm lying to myself but it would be cool - I know more useless shit than valuable knowledge. O well..

Anyways, back to Jamie Lee. So I am clearly not the first to search for this on the "internet" as there were quite a few pages devoted to this same question (Which makes me ask, "why don't you lazy fockers try google before you ask me something like this?" Though at the same time at least I can add this to the vault...)
Hermaphrodism (from Hermes, Greek god associated with male sexuality + Aphrodite, Greek goddess associated with female sexuality) is an obsolete medical term (clinicians now prefer interesx) for a set of conditions characterized mainly by genitalia which are either "ambiguous" (i.e., not clearly male or female) or at odds with the subject's chromosomal gender. Depending on the specific symptoms, hermaphroditism / intersexuality may be the result of either a genetic anomaly or a hormonal excess (or deficiency) during gestation. It has been estimated that as many as 1 in 2,000 children born in the United States are diagnosed with ambiguous external genitalia, of whom a small percentage undergo "sex reassignment" surgery in infancy
The specific condition most often attributed to Jamie Lee Curtis is AIS, or Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. People born with AIS are genetically male (defined as having one X and one Y chromosome) but are resistant to androgens, the hormones responsible for male sexual development. As a result, they display female physical characteristics despite being genetically male. "In its classic form (complete androgen resistance), the person appears to be female but has no uterus, and has sparse armpit and pubic hair," states the MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia. "At puberty, female secondary sex characteristics (e.g., breasts) develop, but menstruation and fertility do not."(taken from
Well, well, well. What have we got? She's adopted two kids, obvious (in my opinion) silicone-enhanced chesticles, and to be honest really nothing else that sparks controversy. Some people infer the gender-neutral name Jamie was chosen because the parents were unsure at first. Mom (hers, not mine) denies and it makes sense, you can choose not to know until birth so a gender neutral name would let you pick just one name rather than two. To be honest I don't care what her chromosomes say and neither should you. She's always been gorgeous, still is (And probably put on the best striptease in cinematic history in True Lies). That's my $.02


Also, I've heard some whispers that posting pictures of my past shenanigans as a conflict of interest with my current profession. All I have to say to you is look at track record: when I was running I was serious enough to not booze. Made it from November 1 to senior week with but a glass of champagne at Gala my senior year. I didn't have a sip after Axl didn't show up to that god damn "GNR" (I need to quotes that, should be called Axl and his new friends Guns died with the UYI albums but I know you already knew that...) show in Portland. And looking back I was happy with how things turned out.

What many people don't realize is there is a finite window one can devote to the sport of their choice and have the opportunity to take it seriously. After college unless you work 20 hours a week so you can live the proverbial dream, your competition days are over. Slow-down basketball may seem like fun but something tells me you're not going to get up for a game against Meinekee Muffler quite the same as you would against Williams.

You have the rest of your life to eat, drink, and be merry without having to worry about being in top physical condition, and believe it or not there is an ever-growing body of evidence which demonstrates alcohol adversely affects athletic performance. It's a shocker, I know. Now I've got the rest of my life to get a mean drunk on in a safe manner whenever I'd like, so I think I made the right decision. I mean, look at these hops!

So look before you leap (HAH). And think before you speak. Cheers.


  1. theres also some evidence that could lead you to believe alcohol aids performance in certain sports. (ie baseball, golf) i know for a fact that someone drives the ball off the tee in a straight line after a few alcoholic beverages. and my sophomore year performance could also be used as evidence. also david wells perfect game, often used as primary evidence.

  2. "I'm not an athlete, lady. I'm a ball player." - John Kruk. That's really all I have to say about how baseball fits into this conversation...